Forgottendiego

Today was like any other day. Slept in, woke up, did some school work then waited… watching empty grey hours slowly slip by. Ive been feeling sicker than ever this past week, just deeply in a state of inner chaos. It makes me sick to see the smiles on the faces of my fellow students, my peers, but not my friends. Friendship is now a thing I can do without, I’ll have the highest GPA in the world, a high paying job-—I’ll be a successful man! I am invisible, when I go outside nobody realizes its a person inside, humans make me feel so sick at heart—I really don’t have any friends, never a girlfriend, never a lover, nothing at all. A high gpa, a well paying job, and nothing nothing nothing at all. An invisible man in a sterile blighted world.

Its deeply irritating to have to welcome the tourists to my workplace, half of them are bored, the other half convinced by my feigned enthusiasm in a career that once pleased me. All those people, they come as friends, family, lovers.. I really don’t have close friends, they ask me: “so are your friends interested in the same things?” Ive never really had friends, so I just reply”sure”. My 21 years without girlfriend or any kind of partner sure is starting to rend my nerves, bitterness and suicidality set in after a while.

I never do run into the right kind of people…