Foxy_1

But I live in hope that my soulmate is out there…somewhere…

Not doing so well. This last week feels like a year…time drags when you’re miserable as f*ck. Havent been out the house for a week, just cried and slept and stuffed my face with crap.

I’m not ready to move on just yet it seems.

Having a breakdown of sorts. Insane with the grief of life and the pain of rejection/heartbreak. Seeing doctor again tomorrow, as I cant do this alone. I need medicating. Also seeing counsellor next Weds. Not sure if that will help, he sounds like a bit of a condescending knob on the phone. Have to see.

I miss you Adrian Bernal, you heartless, clumsy, stupid boy :(

I haven’t thought about getting another tattoo for almost 20 yrs, but lately I feel like I’ve reached another kind of deep and painful crisis/change point in life, and I’m feeling very strongly that I want to get another tattoo or maybe two, in order to mark the significant and very profound effect that this beyond painful experience has brought about.

And when I hopefully come out of this pain, chaos and turmoil, I want something to remind me of the significance of that, the fact that I probably survived it in the end, and the profound love and affection I felt and wanted to share with you, had you let me.

Funny, I’ve never wanted a reminder of something like that before – I’ve usually only wanted to forget any kind of pain and suffering I’ve encountered. But this time it’s different.

Something like a Roman numeral date on my wrist, and something on my foot – my own name – A reminder of who I am – something to ‘ground me’, to tread carefully and lightly on the treacherous road we call life…