GemmaMaria

OK so for some reason i’m overly emotional and mad at the moment. Like i really just want to argue with someone. And it is Pms week, but maybe i know this and am therefore letting myself be more grumpy and Miserable. I really am. And i’m so god damn sick of guys. Not there are any in my god damn life. As much as i want to sit around and wait for one, i really want to cuddle! :( and i have mucho guys i could call for that, but it’s just not the same as having a boyfriend. SO my options include New york boy, gym buddy, and work love of my life. Basically i really like all three of them, but there is something wrong with all of them. ugh. NY boy is overly obsessed with getting famous and has an ex girlfriend who is constantly coming back…he also happens to be the all time best cuddler/kisser. And anytime i hang out with him i can’t think straight for days. I know def a good/Awful thing. Then gym buddy is very reliable, almost the guy version of me. Has his ish in order. Car, job, into working out, we have great conversations, and seems like 100% would be a great boyfriend. Downside= aprox 2 years hooked up with and slept with one of my friends. She doesn’t want anything to do with him and doesn’t like him. But he texts her a lot. I know that he definitely likes me, but why is he texting both of us? And she tells me everything, is he really THAT dumb. I know, i’m dumb for not dumping him…But i really don’t like him that much so it doesn’t bother me. I just feel like he fits my criteria so well. Dumb. i know. Then theres work love of my life. Ok first major down side: has a girlfriend! ugh i know but i’ve liked him for 2 years now!!! and they Just started going out. The worst part is i know her. And she’s one of those over tanned, truck loving, country music listening to, constantly texting, crash dieters. And i know this should make me immediately say back off. The only problem is, as soon as i avoid/ignore him he starts paying me attention. Flirting with me. Trying to get me right back where i’ve spent most of my last two years at work(in love with him). And the biggest problem isn’t that he’s charming. It’s that he knows me so well. Like i do stuff and he can comment on exactly how i do it. Even little stuff. Same with me, it’s almost to the annoying point where we can finish each others sentences(actually the other day we did) Everyone at my job thinks we’re so cute and should date. And there constantly telling me this. It’s almost like because we’ve worked together for SO long we’re growing in the same direction. And we really are pretty different, but there are so many odd things that we do the same. Our whole outlook on life, our interests, our emotional state. And we both know so much about each other we could probably write a(rather boring) book. i know i should just get over it. The only problem is, that everytime i Really try, he notices. HE seriously knows. AND he flirts with me until i’m smitten again. I think it took about 3 days. 3 days!! i know i’m terrible. and smitten. sigh.

SO far sucking at this. Majorly. ugh. AND the worst part is this is totally effecting the rest of my god damn life. Put off doing my lab till 9:30 tonight. It is now 11:30. Got so anxious about it started eating everything i could find: aka wheat thins, string cheese, tortilla chips, yogurt, AND major amounts of dark chocolate(ok not that many, but stil Too many). So worried about it, but once i focused it was actually pretty easy. Also would have been easier had i not waited till last minute…as usual. Hence the ugh. Because up until this binge the eating was going very well for the day. But tommorrow is a new day. And lucky for me this is the only lab i have to do on my own. I got my tutoring scheduled finally so i have someone to help me. I really wish i could just do school for awhile with no work, how awesome would that be!? ugh and now i’m done and uber awake, but i have to get up at 6 and will be SO exhausted. OH well toodles for now. Really need to do this more often. Helped get mucho stress off my chest.

So instead of starting my resolution to lose weight on Jan 1, I’m ending it there. Then my resolution will be to maintain it…how super is that~! and the best part is this means i have to lose on average one lb. a week. Not bad at all. Recording all my incoming calories on nutritiondata.com and exercising at least 30 min/day(the exercise part is easy for me) Oh so excited i know i can do this. So rules are as follows:
1. Can not cheat and not record foods because they’ll make me go over daily limit!!! ugh i do this lol
2. 30 minutes cardio at least 6 days/week
3. Shopping trips once per week
4. Check weight every Sunday night at gym
5. write up a tentative meal plan for week!