GracieGeo

i talked to God, but why didnt he answer?
it was dark and i was alone crying.
i kept asking what was wrong with me? why did i do what i did?
i felt so alone so tired of letting myself down.
i just want to know its ok. i want to be ok.

something happened 2 days ago and im not sure if i should accept it or pretend it never happened. or what to do. but it went against all my morals. it was the one thing if all else failed that i vowed not to do till i was married. but i let my guard down and everything around me collapsed. it seemed unimportant anymore. thats when i knew something was wrong. i know i made a mistake in not staying true to myself and my values. regretful? yes, but i dont know if pretending it never happened is a good thing. i just dont know how to accept it. i held such high expectations for myself and i failed. its not about anybody else, its about me. for once i need to focus on what makes me happy. i just dont know what to do anymore. maybe that’s why i’m writing this, because if i have it out there in the open i know what happened and i know what i can do to change things. i am not happy with what i did and cant help wondering what if, but the day i erase the what if from my mind, i’ll know i’m alright. maybe not normal , if there was ever a true definition of normal, but ok. in a way i’m glad it happened because it is helping me learn so much more about myself. but it’s too soon to know.

theres something about the ocean
it takes all your regrets and washes them out to sea
they’re still there, they are still part of your past and reason for existance, yet the peace of the ocean makes you content with the present