GreenEyedChaos

My brother left school about three years ago without any qualifications, luckily, he met someone who was able to give him a job pretty much as soon as he left. But, he’s had loads of trouble with his boss, and he finds it seriously hard to find work, as every one assumed that he must be either very thick, or very lazy, and either way, they don’t want him working for them.
I never thought that i would be in the same position as him as I always did okay at school. Never got outstanding results, but I did fairly well.
Now, it’s a completely different situation. We got our mock results back a few weeks ago, and before i opened mine, two of my best friends opened theirs, and smiled at their strip of As and A*s down the page. When i opened mine, i was faced with Cs and Ds. I know they’re only mocks, and i’ve got a year to make progress, but i’m still freaking out about it.
I had a maths module last week, which I’m sure i didnt do well in. I had a tutor and studied whenever I could but I’ve always struggled with maths.
In about a week or so, I have a science module, which I know I wont even scrape a C in. In Chemistry yesterday morning, I completely broke down after we did our mock paper. Since I’ve got so much coursework to get done, as well as homework and trying to exercise, I’m finding it so hard and stressful to stay on top of things.
I’m a mixture between thick and lazy. I struggle to remember methods of working out questions in maths, and science never makes any sense to me. On top of that, I’m a writer, so I’ve constantly got bursts of inspiration and ideas that i want to get done before I forget them. I also have chronic procrastination issues, and even if i want to do the things i have to do, i always do the less important things first.
Luckily, I’m realising that i want to do well just in time before it’s too late. All the coursework that I have handed in can be redone, and I can retake my maths modules if i get a dissapointing grade!
So fingers crossed :)

I’m not usually like this with guys, I’m normally really picky, and can find fault in almost anyone, resulting in me being completely put off by the male species.
But he’s so amazing. I know everyone thinks that about one person, but he really is amazing. He’s beautiful, smart, funny, sweet and I can’t think of anything that i dont adore about him.
When he laughs it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s just the best feeling in the world. And you know that Dido song? With the line that goes “Just to be with you is having the best day of my life” that never made any sense until I met him. We could have been anywhere, doing anything, but as long as I was in his company, it was just perfect.
I cant seem to understand how anyone could not be in love with him, or how they could be in love with anyone else. I’m painfully jealous of everyone who’s been in his life, friends, family etc. This feeling is so weird. It would be the most magical thing in the world if he felt the same way. But because he doesn’t, it’s like I’ve got this perminant ache in my chest. However depressing this is going to sound, there have been some mornings where i have refused to get out of bed simply because I can’t bare to go about the day without him.
I want to get over him so much. I’ve got so many things that i need to focus on and give my undivided attention, but I can’t stop thinking about him, i cant do anything these days because my mind is always on something else. Always hoping that today will be the day he’ll realise he feels this way about me.
I hate this so much, I’m not usually a cryer, or an emotional person at all, but since I met him I’ve been a complete mess. some times i wish I’d never met him, other times i feel as though every brief moment that i was in his company was worth all this pain. I cant seem to imagine being with anyone but him. I wish my life could resume and I could forget about him. I never expected to feel this way for anyone.
Urgh! whyyy does he have to be so perfect?...