The end of today will constitute three weeks without a cigarette. I quit taking the medication as the drowsiness was affectimg me too harshly. I didn’t have the control to make it through the big, bad cravings of the first two weeks on my own. The medication definitely helped me through the tough times, but sooner or later it all comes down to self-disciplne. I still have small cravings, but they are easy to manage.
I have not gained weight or lost my temper during this process. I have gone through the normal stresses and strains of life which usually trigger failure. I imagine I will experience the occasional temptation – some ex-smokers tell me they have been tempted after decades without a cigarette.
I believe it is time for me to stop worrying about cigarettes.
Now about this extra weight…
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I realize there is a certain amount of work involved in eating a healthy diet. However, I think I have found the motivation to cut the last of the bad foods out of my diet and go vegan – SLOTH. I hate cleaning the kitchen and cooking has become a bore, so why not go raw? A plate, a knife, a few fruits and veggies – it all seems so simple. Go wild with a salad! Not much to clean up and nothing bad going into my body. My next trip to the market will be simple. I just need a few things to eat, maybe some veggie wash(depending on what is in that stuff), and one of those centrifugal vegetable dryers. Don’t tell me the downside. I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it. ;)
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I haven’t had a cigarette in two weeks. I am very pleased that the medication is working. I have felt small urges to smoke, but nothing terrible.
Last night I dreamed that I bought a pack of cigarettes, slipped in to a dingy alley and smoked two. I felt as though I really had to hide it. I was ashamed that I had failed. I felt as though I was hurting someone or committing a crime. The dream was disturbing enough to wake me.
It feels perfectly natural to be a non-smoker. The occasional urges to smoke are what seem strange. I would like to stop taking the medication now, as it does make me drowsy. However, I accidentally missed a dose yesterday and learned that I am not ready. I suppose I should stick to my doctor’s advice and keep on the program for six months so that we can be really sure that I am through with cigarettes. I don’t ever want to go back to smoking cigarettes.
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