I should’ve known…once I added this goal to my list, it would be in my mind, and I would have another dream. Last night I was there, in it again. I was so curious, not angry, or even that sad, just very curious. Some of it still doesn’t make sense to me…how things turned out, and I wanted to know if it’s better now. I don’t think it is…I think the turn of events after the end was brought about out of desperation. I keep having to remind myself of what it was like, and sort through fact and what might have been fiction. Still, there are enough facts that sit there and don’t budge.
HavanaCat's Life List
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1. practice 'Happiness Manifesto' periodically
32 team members . 186 entries . 28 cheers47 people -
2. take a class at every yoga centre in the city with TippyToes to find out which ones we like the most
1 cheer1 person -
3. practice yoga at least three times a week
5 cheers4 people -
4. find a job that gives me a sense of purpose, decent time off for travel, and daily laughs with co-workers
10 entries . 44 cheers3 people -
5. Contact some local art galleries about exhibiting my work
5 entries . 16 cheers1 person -
6. Get over that 'time'
2 entries . 1 cheer1 person -
7. Leave the smallest footprint possible
1 entry . 4 cheers1 person -
8. love myself and realize that no one is responsible for my happiness, no one can "rescue" me, and I have to tend my own garden
5 entries . 63 cheers6 people -
9. exercise regularly
7 cheers10,191 people -
10. Improve my posture
1 entry . 4 cheers2,604 people -
11. Leave my city once a month, leave my country once a year, leave my baggage behind me
17 entries . 42 cheers4 people -
12. control my jealousy
6 entries . 47 cheers88 people -
13. Learn to trust again, or just learn to stop worrying so much, realize I can't control others, and focus on myself instead
8 entries . 60 cheers10 people -
14. Be happy without being in love, because it's true...you only have you, and there are no guarantees otherwise.
5 entries . 75 cheers6 people -
15. Get a crossword puzzle published, if not in the New York Times, then in some other newspaper
1 entry . 11 cheers2 people -
16. share more books via www.bookcrossing.com
21 team members . 20 entries . 20 cheers108 people -
17. never, EVER grow up
2 team members . 13 entries . 24 cheers793 people -
18. do naughty things and revel in lasciviousness
12 entries . 39 cheers4 people -
19. Collect tacky snowglobes from everywhere I travel, or a friend travels
8 entries . 15 cheers1 person -
20. Start a Buddy Check 12 team here on 43things, in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Do your self-exam the 12th of every month.
208 team members . 2 cheers170 people -
21. make the most of my summer off
1 cheer1 person
It’s been just over 4 years since that ‘time’, but still, there are things that come to mind that I wish I would stop thinking about. The dreams have diminished, but now and again, I’ll wake up in the middle of one. Always the same theme, bittersweet, heartache. I wish there was a drug that could make us forget selected episodes in our lives. I wish there was resolution, closure, answers. And, most of all, I wish there was a way to close the book once and for all with understanding and acceptance. If I knew it mattered and that there was something real and true, it might make a difference.
The things I do now, but I need to do more:
-shop for groceries or anything at all with reusable bags
-use all biodegradable cleaning products or just water and baking soda
-use energy efficient lightbulbs
-turn off lights and only have one on in the room I’m in
-try not to buy anything with tons of packaging
-buy local produce
-regift, reuse, reduce
-donate to the David Suzuki Foundation
-buy organic produce
