Horsewithnoname

Times changed, then changed back.

Starting tomorrow, I begin my quest again.

I have created the person I wish to become, and I am in the process of doing so. No longer do I look at myself as something inadequate, with no hope.

I’ve lost a good bit of weight since I have last come here. My knees are no longer a problem and I didn’t have to visit a doctor. .. I don’t think.

But I’m not where I need to be yet.

Will I go to NARA? Anything is possible. I still want to go, more than anything. And I’d give anything to get there, somehow.

And because of that, I know there is a way.

I just have to find it.

I’ve learned that I’m going to get X-rays done on my knees sometime within the next couple of weeks. Until then I have to bear BONE RUBBING AGAINST BONE. It honestly feels that way. And if it is I have two options: one, I can get an operation and it’ll take six months to heal, or two, I can do physical therapy and recover in twelve. It’s gonna throw off my intended schedule, but I’m not at a loss.

I’m gonna do it though. I’ve got to keep in Taekwondo – I need it. It’s the very thing that keeps me from turning violent on everyone I know. Without it… I’d be scared I’d hurt someone. And I’d never become a jockey if I did that. I’d be nothing If I let that go.

Now, as for my plan? I’m going to end up putting off my jockey school thing for at least another year, but my parents said as long as I have a job and all they don’t mind me staying. I can’t get an apartment off flipping burgers and I sure as hell don’t have any friends. So it’s not like I have a choice. But what I’m going to do is, when I finally get my tail into a car for real, I’m gonna drive back and forth to my Taekwondo school and help my master teach. I’m so grateful to her. D:

But I’ve got to do this, and I’ll get more physical therapy and when my knees heel, I’m going for my First Degree. And THEN. Then I’ll hopefully have enough saved and enough credit built to get out a loan for that school.

I almost lost Taekwondo once. I’m not going to have that happen again. I almost lost it once because I nearly gave up. So when I got home from the school I reopened a cut and swore upon my own blood that I’d never quit anything important to me again. I would never give up. And it sounds barbaric, but I’ve made an oath in blood and I won’t go back on that. D:< Not now, not ever.

I’m gonna be a jockey, somehow. Because I have to. ...It’s not just a career or a want for me. I HAVE to do it. I don’t have a say in the matter anymore. It’s no longer about me. It’s about something else.

Weee. I’m so tired now. It’s Friday. Yesterday was our wonderful snow day. ...Eh.

gets to work on coloring her picture.

Nothing much to say except that I’ve been drawing A LOT. Mostly practicing humans and chibis. I even have a book about horses to work on drawing those.

stfus.