Michael left his wife just a few weeks after this post.
The situation has worsened not improved. Instead of coming toward me as he promised, he has simply tortured me by stringing me along.
Just before he left, he asked me if I would be there for him if he left. Even though I thought I had come to terms with a life without him, I said yes. He left… but then pushed me away.
He seems broken. The act of leaving his home and (in his mind) losing his children has sent him into a state of depression. I honestly think that he sees me (or at least his feelings for me) as the cause of all of his pain.
We have tried to get together but the second it seems that we are reconnecting, he runs away again. At this point he barely communicates with me except to sms me about once a week. I still message him almost every day. (I need someone to steal my blackberry).
I am unable to even think about opening my heart up to anyone else. It was one thing to accept that we wouldn’t be together for the sake of his children. It is quite another to accept that we both destroyed our families to be together but can’t be because the process was too hard.
I tried corresponding with a couple of guys from a dating site. I just couldn’t go through with any of it. I was very open about my situation wtih Michael. One guy asked me the right qestion…. he asked what I would do if Michael came back and told me that he loved me…. the answer was that I would accept him with open arms and throw away anything or anyone else to be with him.
It is the truth…. and until it isn’t true, I can’t subject anyone else to being with me.