Hynniew

My 9 year old is so sweet and kind and smart, and yet he is lacking self-confidence. He keeps saying things like: “I’m not that good at anything….”. Er… He reads at the 12th grade level, excels at math, is a whiz at foreign languages, is a fabulous musician, a decent soccer player, and in the gifted program at school. HOW can he believe that he is not that good at anything?

Maybe he just needs to hear me tell him more often how proud I am of his accomplishments…

I kind of enjoy cleaning up and organizing, but my 4 year old keeps unorganizing,and she’s faster than me.

But I’m proud of having accomplished the following:

1) Donated all the kids’ outgrown clothes to charities or people who needed them.

2) Snuck large bags of toys the kids never play with to Goodwill when they weren’t looking.

3) Organized my daughter’s closet.

Optimist as always, I expected my tenure process to be smooth. It wasn`t. It was a nightmare from a Kafka novel. I had published well and taught well and been a pleasant colleague. And yet I was denied at several levels, without ever being told the reason. But reason and justice prevailed in the end, and I am now TENURED!!! (With a lot of good people cheering for me right now! Amazng friends kept popping out of the woodwork, people from other departments I didn`t even hardly know standing up for me…)It turned out that all my problems were caused by one bitter person, and I have decided to forgive her and move on.

Here`s what I learned about surviving a difficult tenure case:

1) Never, ever, ever give up. It’s not over till it’s over. If you get bad news at any level, take a deep breath and find out precisely what is going on and why and what your options are.

2) Never doubt yourself. You know your work is brilliant. If someone doesn`t realize it, you have to help them understand. Be a passionate advocate for yourself.

3) Let people know what`s going on. If you encounter problems, tell your chair, your colleagues, your mentors, your advisor, your lawyer. But maybe not your mom. Ask experienced colleagues for advice, but bear in mind that nobody is omniscient. If you are treated unfairly, people should know! Let them spread the word! Let them take action! Let them approach the dean and the chancellor on your behalf. Tell you colleagues in the field, and have them have letters to your university asking if they have lost their sanity.

4) Think and speak optimistically. Tell yourself and everyone else calmy that this is very difficult for you, but that you are convinced that justice will prevail in the end. Believe it.

5) Don`t speak ill of your enemies. Remember,you are going to get tenure. That means you have to continue working with people who voted against you for years and years. Be professional, gracious and polite to them even if it`s the hardest thing you`ve ever done.

6) Talk to a lawyer. A little legal advice along the way can be immensely helpful. If you mention to your fiends you have a lawyer, they`ll eventually tell everyone else, and the administration will know too. They`ll start to take you very seriously.