There is this little girl not more than maybe 2 years old that goes to my church. Well she is sick and needs prayer from everyone who reads this. She has a hole in her heart and has to have open heart surgery. Please pray for her and her family and pray that she comes thru it and grows up to be happy and healthy and have a family of her own one day. She is maybe 2 years old and one of the sweetest most loving kids i have ever come across. She always brought a smile to my face when i watched her at church. She always wore the cutest little pig tails that stuck up like something from pebbles from fred flinstone. She is so much fun to be around and if this takes a turn for the worst i will feel it just as bad as her family because all the children i look after in day care and at church are in a way like my children and she was one who touched my life and even more so now that this is happening to such a helpless little baby girl. So if you all would take a moment to lift up a prayer of healing for this beautiful little girl and her wonderful family. Pray not only that she makes it thru her upcoming surgery but also that God heals her so she never has to go thru it againand that God heals her families pain. thank you all.
Will you know when you have met your soul mate? Or could the two of you be best friends and realize it later on? I mean there is this guy that i have dated once before but he is a couple years younger than i am. At the time some things were getting in the way with us talking as much as i would have liked us to then i met Fathead who dated me six months and gave me a retarded excuse as to why he didn’t think it would work. Well me and this old bf of mine have been talking and it dawned on me just how much i enjoy talking to and being with this guy. I mean tru right now it will still be a little difficult but maybe if we can make it work it would last longer than any of those before him. I dunno we will see i guess. Let you know something next time. AmyLynn
Here recently i have been going to the wellness center with my aunt and working out with her and her trainer Randy. It is a lot of fun. I like it a lot.. Well will fill you in when i seem to start losing weight.
I have no clue why men think they can’t call a woman up and tell then that its over if they have a problem. Cmon men grow some freaking ballz. I mean jeez you are the men and you should be able to at least pick up a phone and say hey look its not working out and reason. It took the guy i was with a FREAKING MONTH to grow some ballz big enough to call me and tell me he was not feeling us. God men are so lame. Sorry if i offend anyone, i am just in a mood.
Maybe i am looking at rich in the wrong way. Maybe i will marry a rich man. He will not be rich as in wealthy but rich in love. I know of one of those. He has loved me all along and i didn’t know it. I knew it but thought after our last time together he would still hate me only he doesn’t hate me at all. He loves me still after me breaking his heart repeatedly. Is that possible?? True yes i am still with my bf but i am not sure how that is going right now. I have not talked to him in a month. You don’t want me to get started on it. Could mr rich be my soul mate? I mean it was by mere luck that i found him that day. His number was changed and i litterally had no way of contacting him then one day on my myspace i was searching schools to see if maybe he was in there. I did not recognize him until my third look. It was one of the two sweetest guys i have ever dated. The second one being the one i am with right now. There are things i know that the first one would never do to me. Long story and i cannot get into it.
I got this call today about one of the jobs that interest me. Well it is about a home based college program and i can get a degree in child care. i love watching kids. Its a start if nothing else. Right now i am doing nothing and want to move on up in life. I am living off my mom and it makes me feel bad but it is not like i am not trying to get a job. It’s just with transportation problems it gets kind of hard. Maybe if i get this i can make more money than i would now in child care and can solve my transportation problems..I just want so badly to be me. To live. To be on my own or married. It would be so much different. I would love it. I WANT IT so bad.
I have not been able to surpass this block.. Maybe not a block as more of a wondering which way to go. I had everthing i needed there to continue i just wasn’t sure how to proceed. Every path changes the story. But today i finally decided which of the many roads i was going to take and am very pleased.
Ok so marrying a rich man would be nice but that is just a dream. One of those bound never to happen. If it ever does tho all of you who read this will know!
ok so i was sitting here thinking about the journal thing and how i am actually doing ok with it so far but then again it has only been one day and i have two entries. anyways i was thinking about how i seem to have more to say when i am writing something to someone.. or i should say writing something i know someone will read. I took that and used it. i am writing like i am talking to the person reading it. It gave me a whole new look on writing. I am on fire with ideans. I am just flaming right now its crazy. I wrote a whole three pages in like 10 minutes. It was crazy but it was like if i had just found something and was talking to my best friend telling her all about it. It is filled with the realism of how you would be if you was talking to a friend and telling them about this find of yours. I am excited for now. Hope i don’t get blocked too bad later on.
I think i might have found a way to keep a journal. If i don’t do it this way i have come up with another way that just might work. I like to be on the computer so i went to livejournal.com and made one there only i am not sure how i will like people reading my every thought. Then again i write here so i don’t guess it matters now does it? If i don’t like it there then i will just create a journal thru a program on my computer. I think that would work.
I so suck at this game. I cannot keep a journal for crap. I get bored with it. I forget to write in it and then before i know it i am using the paper for jots for a story i am working on rather than for a journal. It ends up a place for phone numbers that need to be written down. A place for notes to tell someone to feed the dog. Never for what it is supposed to be for. Why cant i do it. I can’t seem to write anything in them that seems journal worthy. It is always boring rambling, but isn’t that what a journal is for? I don’t understand why i cant do it. It should be the simplest of things to do. I cannot seem to do it tho. Tearing my hair out here!
Live…The word is so vague. I mean I want to really live. Live like i will never see tomorrow. Really that shouldn’t be hard since technically no one in this entire world has seen tomorrow. We see today and know yesterday only we never get to meet tomorrow. It’s there. It’s just out of reach. Could tomorrow be God? Will you ever really know? Yes! You will! You will find out tomorrow. Not today not yesterday but you will know when tomorrow comes.
There are little things everyday that remind me of how bad i am or maybe the right word is how new i am to learing how to be in God’s grace. I have been learning the walk for three years now only i seem to fall from grace every once in a while. I am trying to get myself back in like i was when i first found God. He has done so much for me. All i can do right now is thank him daily for what he has done so far and for what he will do with my life. I pray that he will lead the way. I am his humble servant and want to show him i can walk thru the door he has shown me. There are other doors. Doors leading to things that seem much more fun. They are things that satisfy me. But all those things end in Sin. I must choose the right door. But will i do it?
Sadness takes over a lot. It is not because i am not loved because i am. I have a wonderful boyfriend only here recently he has been slacking. He lives two hours away which makes it hard for us to see one another. He has talked about moving here when his one year mark comes up at work and that is in the next month. Only i am at that point where i want attention right now and get depressed when he lacks in it. It is more complicated than it sounds. I make it sound like i am just being whiny and complicated but really i haven’t seen him in a month and haven’t talked to him either. If he was any other guy i would wonder about where he is only i know him and know he works his ass off. He works from sun up to sun down litterally then he comes home to play games before crashing in bed. I know because i have seen it done. I just feel like something has to give. There have been reasons popping up that has prevented him from getting here to see me. The title of this entry is far away and that is because he lives far away and it says how my heart feels but what my mouth can’t say. The only way this one will be completed is for me to sit down and have a LONG talk with mr sawyer. If anyone has any helpful words i would be happy to hear them and maybe even use some. Shank-Ya
I don’t remember if the bug even had a taste. But an aunt of mine brought me a green apple sucker from venezuela and it had a grass hopper in the center and i ate it. It was about 7 years ago but i can say that i have eaten a bug now. Not nearly as funny as when i got my sister to eat a bug. Hers was live and i told her it was moving chocolate. She was young and believed me.. Ha ha I was so cruel.
I get ideas all the time but can never run with them because i lose them after so long of writing on them. Now i have an idea but i am not sure i can make it swing without causeing trouble. I got the idea from a game i play online. I can use my character from the game only i would have to change the type of creature i am. I am working on it..I am laying the basis out so i don’t lose my thought and then i will go back and change things that would compromise the book from getting finished. I havent let anyone read it yet but i am not crazy about people reading my stuff. Everything else i have written was all kept secret because i wasn’t ready to share them. Then my comp crashed and now they are all gone. I have them in my head but they will never be the same because i wrote them when i was young so they had youth to them. Now they wouldn’t since i am no longer a child. I will let you all know how the book is goind as it gets done. I have about half of a chapter right now and when i write it flows. I have to take days off at times so i can get back into the vision otherwise it seems two faced. Because i write it like she is expierencing it seeing everything around her learning from it then it changes to a lot of he said she said. I dont’ like that. We will see.
I just woke up about an hour ago and i am so tired i feel like i could sleep for days. I dont understand why i am so tired. I think it has to do with the thyroid problem that was diagnosed only they went back after second tests and told me nothing was wrong. I don’t know what to think now. It was a free clinic that i went to and i am not sure if they meant it hasant progressed any or if the first diagnose was wrong. They never specified. Well needless to say i am dead tired everyday. Last week i litterally slept all day one day and got up went to the living room layed down in the floor to watch tv and within an hour i was asleep again. i slept all night on our living room floor. I was comfortable but i can sleep on concrete. Heh. I don’t have insurance so i can’t go to my doctor to see what is up. I am just gonna have to fight it. And fighting this makes wanting to exercise extremely hard.
Have you ever seen something that snapped you back into reality? Ok let me clarify this one. Two days ago i went to check the mail and a neighbor of mine was outside fiddling with his yard like normal. I waved and said my hellos to him as i headed back to my house. My boxer wiggled for a second and then followed me. The next day i left with my dad and sister to go get some food. Getting back home he was mowing the lawn. My sister went inside the house and i left with my dad again. Again when i left he was mowing his lawn with a push mower. Well when we got about 10 minutes from the house some ambluances came flying by us. When we get right before our road we see that the ambulance is blocking it off from entrance. We take another entrance into the road. I look over because i am naturally nosy and i see them giving my neighbor cpr. I went in the house and came back out and talked to a guy that i know who was doing yard work for another person on the road. He said that the last he saw the guy was on a riding mower. Well needless to say after only being gone for an hour my neighbor had somehow died. I am not exactly sure of what the cause of death was. The thing that has been getting me is the fact that every one of his doors to his house were locked. The guy was layed out on the ground and not breathing when a nurse who was driving by saw him. she stopped called 911 and proceeded to do cpr. They never got him breathing again. It was a strange day. It was sad that he died but also a shock back into reality and how quickly God can take you out of this world and into his. I had litterally seen the guy only an hour before and now he lays lifeless on the ground. I have awoken and want to become closer to God.
It has been three years since i was saved. I was saved during half time at super bowl. We had a big super bowl party at church and i went because i felt drawn to go. Since then God has worked wondering in mine and my younger sisters life. Tru he didn’t answer the prayer to put our parents back together but he did answer the one me and my sister both prayed oh so often and that was to bring my father closer to him and get him off of Meth. My father was a through and through meth head. He would smoke pot and do meth. He even dropped seeing me and my sister because he wanted the drugs so bad. Well one day he up and decides no more. Now it is nearly 2 months later and he is completely clean and has been since that day and next weekend he is getting baptized. I am so proud of him and i owe thanks to God everyday for bringing my most favorite person in this world to know him. I know God but not like i should. I seem to be in and out. Lets see if i can show you how i see it. To me i am in and out like if i was watching a movie i loved and found some things better to do only to find myself missing what i havent seen due to my own wandering. I learn more about my love for the good Lord every day and something here recently showed me just how much i have been missing. I will tell you about it in my next entry. AmyLynn
All my life i have been bigger than all those around me but never a lot bigger. I have a thyroid problem so i have to work three times as hard to lose the same amount of weight as my sister who doesn’t have a thyroid would. Only my sister is like a sixth of my size. I get sick to my stomach looking at all the girls that look like i want to look. I love me because God made me who i am only i sometimes feel i let him down by slowly destroying the body he gave me. I want to change that only i dont know where to start or how to start.
