I’m so excited! My yoga teacher used to dance and she is going to teach some of us in class an hour of ballet each week before yoga starts! I’m looking forward to it. I’m anxious to mark this off my list but I guess I will wait until after class on Thursday.
I downloaded the form to sign up the other day and filled a lot of it out. I have been really busy and forgot about it. I just saw an APSCA commercial which reminded me I need to do this. I feel a part of me that is reluctant to do this and trying to put it off. I think I am scared that the animals will make me sad. Also the thought of doing something new scares me a little.
I bought the entire series on DVD over the weekend but returned it because I found it cheaper online. I then found a coupon for a sale that begins Friday. So, I plan to purchase it on Friday and hope to have it very soon! Then I have all summer to watch and enjoy. I can’t wait!
It’s summer now and no school. This is going to make this goal so much harder to achieve right now. It is SOOO easy to sleep the summer away.
I often feel too alone to achieve this goal. There are so many things I want to do that I feel like would really be living and enjoying life but I can’t do them because I’m alone. For example, I would love to go camping this summer. It would be so much fun. But I have no one to go with and really it is not safe to go camping alone! I want to go with someone who can enjoy it with me. There are so many things like this that exist in my life.
I am working hard to find some activities to participate in just for myself. My goal is to make these activities just about me and to try NOT to give them up for anyone no matter who calls and wants something from me at the same time. So far it has been easy but I’m afriad it will get harder….especially if some guy comes in the picture.
I have been talking to people in my yoga class before and after class. One of the girls in my class I saw at a movie the other night and we were talking about that. I also asked another girl about a class she is taking. I have just been trying really hard to make casual conversation with people I know (but not that well) when I see them out and about. It seems like I have been seeing a lot of aquaintances lately so I have been trying to take advantage of the opportunity to speak up when normally maybe I would have sat back and not spoken unless someone else spoke to me first.
The past couple of weeks I think I have been pushing back a lot of feelings and it is all coming out in my neck! I have had a HORRIBLE crick on my neck for 3 weeks. I feel like that is where every ounce of stress in my body has gone. It is just becoming so apparent to me that I HAVE to change the way I interact with people and express myself. I can’t continue on the path I am on anymore. Things like this horrible pain in my neck are just a huge wake up call that I have to change NOW because it is all taking such a toll on me…especially physically.
I think part of this goal is not just stopping letting people treat me like crap but letting them know I think they are treating me like crap. I have noticed a lot lately that people pull stuff with me and they probably think I am none the wiser because I don’t say anything. I feel like they think they have gotten away with something just because I don’t speak up about it. I think a good first step in this goal would be to just speak up and let people know I am aware of what they are doing.
Yesterday a woman I work with wanted me to call the main office and get some documents I was very uncomfortable asking for and didn’t feel I had any business asking for. She was not my boss and I didn’t have to do what she said. She was just trying to get me to do her dirty work. She is very assertive and direct but I told her no. It wasn’t easy because my urge was not to make any waves or ruffle any feathers and just say yes but I didn’t do it!! I still have a long way to go but I feel liek I am making baby steps with this goal.
I need to get on this! Summer is practically here!
I met a friend of a friend who is hopefully getting a new job and moving to my town. We hung out and had a good time so hopefully he WILL get the job and we can become friends. I have also asked 2 new people to hang out recently which is very unlike me. One person is always busy and the other told me to call sometime when I’m free. I DID call when I was free! Ha ha! Anyway, I don’t know if those 2 will pan out but I’m really trying.
I feel like I am doing a lot better with this but I still have a LONG way to go! It is easier with some people than others.
My best friend was supposed to come visit in a few weeks but has backed out because gas prices are so high. She now wants me to come see her!! I guess the gas prices aren’t too high for me! Anyway, I said yes. It was so stupid. I told myself I wasn’t going to go see her again until she came and saw me but I caved. I have to stop allowing these things to happen. I should have spoken up and told her NO!
I have a little goal of saying no 2 times every week. So far I’m doing pretty good. I have said no twice a week for the past 2 weeks. I have the tendency to allow myself to be treated as a doormat. Sometimes this happens because I chime in and “give” when I shouldn’t just because I hate the feeling of uncomfortableness that comes with having people unhappy with me because I don’t do what they want. It is often so much easier to just give of myself so I don’t ruffle any feathers and keep everyone happy. So…..this week I am going to try hard not to give of myself so quickly but sit with the uncomfortableness for a bit first. Hopefully as time goes on I will become more comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling and learn that I do not have to allow myself to be treated like a doormat just to keep everyone else happy.
I have been hanging out a lot with a friend who is VERY different from me. It is actually making it easier for me to be myself around her because we are soooooo different I have no hope of even trying to pretend to be more like her. We are so different I would never be sucessful and really I don’t like the things about her that are so very different from me. I don’t WANT to be like her! I’m kind of proud of myself for that. Also, I recently had a bad break up with someone who I tried so hard to be “perfect” for and I actually succeeded. I became the “perfect” person but it still was not enough. So, I realize all of the trying so hard to be like I thought someone else wanted me to be didn’t really work anyway so why bother. I’m ready to just start being me and if people don’t like it then tough. They probably are not worth worrying about anyway. Actually, in this most recent relationship I’m starting to think things would have worked out better if I had just been myself and not tried so hard to be “perfect”.
He is getting married next week but I still want him to know that I loved (and still do) him and he treated me like crap. I know it’s all too late now. I guess I want him to know what he threw away and who he was treating like dirt.
I got a Baldwin 5’2” walnut baby grand a week ago! It’s great and I love the smell of it!!! How weird!
I have started becoming friends with my cousin’s fiance. We have been hanging out a lot. She is very nice and fun to talk to but we are SOOOO different. I don’t think she really “gets” me. We are complete opposites in so many ways. I think this is why making friends is hard for me. I feel so different from most people. Someone told me that I am probably not as different as I think I am and there are plenty of people out there like me but I sure don’t know where they are!
I think I feel like myself (if I even know who that is) is not good enough.