It was well worth it and I’m now okay with my drinking. I can accept myself as someone who like to finish a bottle of wine, drink a little too much.
I do pay attention when there is chance of really going too far. I drink water in between. It is that easy.
This is a vague goal, and I could have written it down as ‘I have saved £10k by the end of September’.
Now fixing on a load of money that will set you free can be motivating. Still, it implicates that the only freedom from your job is in the money. You need that job to get the money. It’s a bit of paradox, in order to become free, you need to slave.
Don’t get me wrong, I like working, but the only way to earn a decent wage in my job is to work 50-60 hours a week. I call that slaving.
What I want is to feel free, focus on the feeling and stay relaxed. If working a lot is part of that proces, fine.
I want to to re-evaluate my skills, experience, my professional capital and see what I can do in this world. Money helps to create time to go into the world. Staying in a job all week, working Saturdays prevents you from going out and meeting people, out there, who might help you on your way to find that new job.
It’s not an easy situation, but I know where I am.
Made another payment on my study debt last month. Still €3000 to go, and I happen to have £3000 in my savings. Now I could be in the clear, in the blue, in the plus, in the positive for real, but my goal is to have saved £10k by the end of September, so I can leave my job. That comes first.
Once I have a new job, and there is money left, I will use it to pay of my last debts.
It’s wonderful to see how long I can postpone action. Today, I did week one – day one of the 100 push up program (http://hundredpushups.com/week1.html) . I am laso doing the 200 sit ups at the same time.
About a year ago, my wife shot a film with her iPhone on my birthday party. I was drunk, embarrassingly drunk. I didn’t like myself in the film. I was being an arse. I kept on drinking, and normally I get drunk once a month.
The problem is, I can’t afford losing time being hung over on Sundays. I work two Saturdays a month, so time is valuable. Besides, I don’t even like it. Yes, the first three drinks and the next three, but afterwards it is down hill stupid binge drinking.
I don’t want to regret things. There were too many things I regretted.
I haven’t drunk a sip for three weeks now. I am not smoking and giving up coffee is next.
I am far more relaxed and balanced. There is more good energy.
When I’m 42, I probably will be drinking, but at least I know how it is not too drink.
I have been drinking for 25 years, and too be honest I never knew when too stop. I am one of those who go on and on. That is no longer a part of me. If I find myself back like that next year, I will quit drinking for good. I hope I will be able to enjoy a glass of wine, some great cocktails without getting into the ‘more more more’ modus.
It’s hard to admit you have a problem. Even here, it’s hard to admit that I can’t drink, because I behave weird and stupid sometimes. Not always, just sometimes, but that is too often. It’s amazing how much effort and energy I spent denying this. Of course, I wasn’t the one who drank every day. No, but there were times I couldn’t stop, were I had to, and I didn’t. Something is controlling you and for me that is an addiction, even if it shows its ugly face once a month.
I am sure this is normal for most people, it was normal for me. Now, I feel that life is precious and there are so many things to do. I don’t have time to waste.
It would be great to wear sandals next Summer. This Summer is over anyway. What am I going to do to my toenails? Let’s find a pedicure.
Do I believe it is possible? Yes.
Can I train three times a week for 20 minutes max? Yes.
Can I push myself to giving it all in the last set? I will.
I actually finished the last and very final version in March. I haven’t read it afterwards. So, is it any good? I don’t know, might put it to the test and enter a competition or send it to a literary magazine. That will be my new goal.
This is not just my first short story, but it’s the first one in English. It was more of an exercise, to see how English feels when it’s being used for writing a short story.
I deliberately took an autobiographic experience, so I needn’t focus too much on a plot. That was actually harder than I thought, since a relived experience doesn’t make necessarily good drama.
I wrote and re-wrote, probably twenty versions, every single one more fine tuned with a major break through every now and again.
Was it hard? No, but you have to keep going and allow time to do its work. I could keep on re-writing forever, but this should be it. I am not going to write a completely different version, just to see if that is possible.
I might, however, write a book about all experiences from that hitchhiking, thrill seeking holiday in Morocco in 1995.
This idea is like a seed, I need to cover it with fertile soil and add some water. I am not sure if it is going to be successful, but I will find out. It might take about two years.
I have been working in my current tole as an outbound sales advisor for 8 months now. At first, I hated it, being an overqualified MSc wearing headphones with a mike. And the company sucked. My manager sucked.
Every day I had to ask myself, if I could put up with things like going to the cornershop in your breaktime to buy a pen, since there is no stationary from the company. Many odd things, like no holidays possible between June And the end of August.
But then I became better at selling and my commission grew and grew. I was on top of the list last month and I was proud of myself. That is a professional pride I hadn’t felt for at least six years.
Ideal job, I don’t know, but if you become good at something you don’t like to do, and you start liking it, you’ve found your ideal self.
Let’s face it, when I came to the UK, I was lazy and self complacent, spoiled. I learned my lessons. I thank life, the universe for those opportunities to find my power back. There is no ideal job, there is only you and your ideal self that is sometimes hidden.
To be honest, if I had listened to my lazy self, I would have quit this job six months ago, but it was my pride that kept me going.
Last year, I came across a revolutionary diet developed by a French doctor, named Dukan. I orderd the book and finished it wtihin a week. Since it mainly comprised proteines I was turned off. I prefer to avoid meat.
Then I spoke to my cousin-in-law, who lost 10kg with the Dukan diet. He said it was quite easy.
Since my weight was exceeding any acceptable limits and even size 38 trousers were getting tight, I decided to give it a go.
I started the 2nd week of February. The diet consists of 4 stages and the first one is the attack stage: only proteins for 7-9 days. Stage 2 allows you to alternate between pure protein days and protein and selected vegs days.
It’s now March 27th and this morning I was 95.9 kg. I started at 104.6 kg, so I’ve almost lost 9 kg, about a kg a week. I drink losts of water and tea and I never feel hungry. Most of the meat I eat is poultry.
I remember being 108kg. I did not what to do. I felt miserable.
Now I’m sure I can go back to my normal weight which is somewhere between 85 and 90 kg. I’m happy. I have more energy than ever.
Not sure if this goal reveals one particular complacent aspect of myself. How about turning it upside down and saying: Create the life that you love and accept whatever happens on your way?
So, I am going to ditch this goal. Yeah. But not now. First I am going to think of the life I love.
Thye look like I just escaped from Abu Ghraib! Why can’t I use scissors like everyone else? I’m too impartient and I just like chipping them off with my thumbnail and launching them wherever. Can a man have a dirty habit? Maybe I should cherish my toenailpicking. Or make a Youtube film and see how people react.
Revising your 43 or 34 or 21 things is one thing, but what to do, when your most cheered goal is actually no longer your goal?
Put in the fridge and see if it will warm up?
Why did I want to have my own perfume shop. Maybe the first, intermediary step should be” explore the realm of the senses. That includes olfactory pleasure, but it can be tactile virtuosity as well.
Good. The perfume store is still on, but there is work to do.
Read a book? Develop my smell? Do I know how a Tonca bean smells?
Last weekend, my wife and I were on our way to a BBQ in L’shire when she proposed to teach me three sentences per week.
That is a nice start. Haven’t touch the book in months…
I now know ” Bugün Nasisilsin?”, ” Nappallem bugün?” and ” hava çok secaz”. Spelling might be wrong, but that’s for later.
Is it impossible to stay on top of everything? My biggest challenge now is to get myself through the day and feel valuable, doing things that take my life to a higher level.
43things is inspiring, I am grateful for all the reactions and cheers. It helps knowing you’re not alone.
Maybe I should create a goal of having more meaningful relations. Having loving people around you that don’t judge, support when they can and are open-minded.
Getting there. I am happy with the story as it is, but the first paragraph migth needs replacing. It’s not seductive enough.
The other issue is any referral to me as Dutch Cultural Psychology student. I don’t mind being recognised, narcissistic as I am, but a story wins in narrative power if you ditch the idiosyncratic aspects.
Let’s sit on it one good night and then find a site to publish it for review.
Imagining leaving the shore gliding thorugh the shallow warm bluish water and moving on to the cooler deeper zone. Then, in the middle from where you can’t see the beach it is time ot enjoy the waves for while lying on my back. There’s nothing else.
