Italygirl

I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time not making the most of my life and I don’t want to look back in 50 years and regret anything. I don’t regret anything yet, but there are definitely some things I missed out on and some things that could have been done differently, but they were learning experiences, which is why I don’t regret them…

I hope when I look at this goal every fews days or weeks, that it’ll be a little reminder to just have the best time I possibly can, despite all the rough stuff.

Well, I became reacquainted with the program which I forgot about so long ago and now I want to do it more than ever. Just reading about it sparked such an interest, an insatiable interest. It isn’t entirely about the photography either, it’s about experiencing life and other cultures and it’s a complete learning experience all around. I guess the entry is a bit competitive which is why I want to take a class before I actually go, but also the financing may be a bit tough to come up with. It’s kind of hard to have hope with two strikes against me already… I know that’s not positive thinking, but it is reality.

This topic is like hot and cold with me. I want to get school over with so bad, but I know a graduate degree will really benefit me in the future. Also, the money issue is something that may hinder this goal.

I think I’ve always had difficulty with change. I moved around a lot and always had to make new friends all the time, but I was bad at it. But, it seems as if I always had a “best friend” of sorts everywhere I went. And other than that, college, my siblings moving out and just getting older are things that I really didn’t like.

I think in the past, by not accepting change, I’ve been stuck, at a standstill. And I sit here and wonder why everything is moving around me and I’m not going anywhere.

I want to graduate from college and be ready to move wherever the best opportunity is for me. And that will be a big change.
I hope that in the future, I will adjust well. I hope that for myself.

Today I was at work and a lady told me she was in the break room the other day and there were some people in there having a conversation in Spanish and she wished I was in there so I could figure out what they were saying! I thought that was hilarious!!

But I’ve decided that in order to become really fluent (or just fluent period) I would need to spend time in Mexico or Spain just to be around it all the time and be forced to learn it and think it more… I think when you actually think in spanish is probably when you’re considered fluent…

I think I’m addicted to tv…well, not as much over the summer, since I’ve been so busy, but this last spring, I watched way too much tv!! I think when I finally graduate and move out is when I’d like to try this goal… b/c I’ve decided I need to live like a college student for a year or two even after I graduate so I can pay off my loans and not be completely in debt. So this will make me not have a cable bill at least…

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have any money for this… I don’t even know how I’m going to pay for school! Agh!!

I like peanuts!

I think so far, that’s my favorite spanish word… I’ll just go around and say it randomly and then laugh at myself and people stare… it’s hilarious!

I am taking spanish this summer and it’s going good… I had 3 years in high school and I’m in the elementary class… big mistake. I know most everything and I’m so bored!!!! I just sit there and do my homework… I should have taken then test to CLEP out of it, but I didn’t think about it… oh well, by this summer I’ll be half way to speaking another language fluently.

Well, today, I was fighting the alarm clock, but I finally got up and went to class only to find out we were getting out after 30 minutes (supposed to be a 4 hour class).... yeah…

I realized something else about this goal, even though I retired it 8 weeks ago…

I realized how many trees there are where I live, and I never saw them before until today… I was driving to class, going slower than usual (a.k.a. the actual speed limit) and was kind of in a daze and BAM, there they were, all these trees. it was so weird… I’ve seen that same view thousands of times, but I never saw it like that… It was beautiful and I can’t wait to go see it again tomorrow.

Well, I rekindled a friendship this weekend… yay for me I guess…

But I was thinking the other day what it would be like to finally have that group of friends that I would be so comfortable with and just hang out and do stuff all the time and not worry whether or not I have plans this weekend (but actually, I guess I don’t worry about it…half the time I don’t want to do anything anyway! Ha ha! Especially since I’m working and doing school this summer…) I used to have those friends… and now, it’s absolutely non existant… it’s been so long since someone has actually known me, like what I like and how I am and who I’m crushing on and stupid stuff like that…

well, so far I’m doing great…spanish is just plain easy for me so far, and history is online, so I can use my book, and stats is easy right now, but I know it’ll get a bit harder… we have a test on Wednesday, so from there I’ll probably be able to judge how the rest of the summer will go… but I will be taking Business cal. 2 next summer term, and I think I got a B in the first one and that was 2 summers ago, so I may be a bit rusty…

I’m working my butt off at work and school and am exhausted all the time now… I kinda miss the days of doing absolutely nothing… but anyway, I want, I mean, I need to get away and go somewhere to relax!!!! After this summer is over, I will have taken 15-18 hours… that’s a ton for summer!

They are all scratched and one I found in my backseat was split in two! And plus, I want to add and remove some songs anyway… but there’s a ton of songs and it’s going to take forever, and for some reason, my computer is skipping tracks when it burns cds now… ehhhhhhhhhhhh!

I am getting up for an 8 am class this summer, and it sucks… maybe 2nd term, I won’t have to get up so early since I may only take a 10:00 class, but it’s summer and I can’t do anything during the week b/c I get up at 7ish every morning and get home at 9:30ish at night…and that sucks b/c I should be sleeping in and doing nothing but laying out in the sun all day…

So, since I’m getting no sleep this summer, I insist on it this fall… I WILL NOT HAVE AN 8:00 CLASS!!!!!!!!!

Well, I haven’t exactly started yet, but it’s worth it so far for the future earnings it’ll bring me. And it gives me something else to do so I won’t be sitting around watching tv all day long.

I’m kind of breaking down or something… I’m seriously thinking of throwing the whole college thing down the drain (at least for the summer…) and heading somewhere hot and begging someone to let me work at a marina or something. Outside, sunshine, water… what more could I want?

I may never figure out what I want to do with my life… nothing realistic anyway… I’m not sure it’s possible…

So, a couple of weekends ago, I met this guy. And I’m sure he’s interested, but I can’t seem to let myself get over the small stuff. Is it that I’m just so picky (all my friends say I am), or am I being smart in not settling for less than what I think I deserve? There are a few pretty big things about him that I don’t like. I can’t even say them, not even here (is that b/c I’m being shallow or b/c they are simply that bad?). Well, I can say one thing here… he’s into drugs, and I’m so not… I think it’s so obvious we are different, but he’s still calling… I don’t get it. When will this happen for me??? Will it ever?

Even though I’m closer to getting a job, I may have to put summer classes on a credit card and that doesn’t help the debt situation any… I could take the summer off of school and work full-time and maybe have 2 jobs, but then I’ll graduate later, and that is my main goal, so I don’t want to do that.

Perhaps I’ll just take fewer classes and even out the work and school. Then I can pay more towards the debt. Sounds like a plan!

Okay, so seven weeks ago, I thought about beginning my job search… well, I didn’t actually actively do anything of the sort until last Monday. I sent in my name and address online and got a call back the same day. I didn’t wake up thinking I was going to find a job that day, I just randomly thought about it… I got an interview today (Wed) b/c I couldn’t Tues since I was already babysitting (my current gig). So I have another interview set up on Friday with the big manager, but I think it’s pretty much a shoo-in (I hate to be too optimistic, but the lady was talking like I already had the job…and plus, I think she was impressed I came to interview on my birthday…).

So, it turns out the ‘process’ wasn’t as bad as I though it would be… It was actually a piece of cake… and I’m so glad it’s over!