...I will surely break.
Okay, this may be one of the most difficult goals for me as well. I don’t even know what to write. I think I’ve just been burned so many times that it’s hard to let go and be loved, much less love someone else… even with my family, saying ‘I love you’ is not something I find easy… and that saddens me… maybe it’s all part of growing up… or maybe this is something I’m supposed to overcome.
I think this will be the hardest to overcome. I’m angry about everything. I just need to learn to let things go, and not be so uptight about some things.
It’s hard to be strong and take a stance without emotions getting in the way, but I think there is an equilibrium, I just need to find it.
I am officially re-opening this goal!
Why? Because I realized what it is to appreciate life. It’s looking at the sky and thinking to yourself, it’s so blue. Or looking at your nephew and squeezing him and thinking life wouldn’t be the same without him.
But those things don’t happen everyday, with the hustle and bustle of life, I don’t step back and look around. That’s what I need to do to appreciate life more. And I’ve decided that I will live in another country so I can really see what I know I appreciate: the world. (there I go again, combining goals)
I know this sounds crazy, but I’m obsessed with sex and the city, and it’s at the part where Carrie goes to Paris… that could so be me (minus the rich boyfriend and great place to stay), roaming around the streets of another country appreciating everything I see…
I have to do this!
I rode the bike today…but it was really hard b/c the front wheel was kind of flat! I am laughing so hard b/c it was hilarious! And the fact that I wasn’t even half way around the block before I was out of breath… I guess that’s what I get for going 3 weeks in between workouts….
I heard somewhere that you have to do something 21 times in order to adjust or in order for it to become routine… I wonder if that’s true… and if so, pray for me.
My parents are worried about me… I think that’s hilarious… (it’s a fine time to start…)
I just can’t seem to find to right kind of people I want to be around…everyone pisses me off too much with their excessive drinking and egotistical asshole attitudes and everyone is coupled up… I just love sitting around having them ask me why I’m not dating anyone or why I haven’t gone anywhere for spring break or why I’m not drinking… I don’t need to delude myself with alcohol to actually have a decent conversation with someone, nor do I need to be dating someone to be happy… but I would like to have gone somewhere hot for spring break…
And I thought 21 was going to be much better than this…
But I just write off people so much… too often and in a horrible way… if I don’t want to hang out with them anymore, I don’t. And I don’t tell them why b/c I don’t see them and I don’t answer their calls… I really need to work on that.
Perhaps a subgoal will be to rekindle some friendships… but I’m not really sure if I want to do that… this will definitely be a task for me….
Well, once again my plans for school have changed…I’m actually changing schools, so that may prolong my career as a student. I’m not too happy about it, but it’s the best choice I could make right now. I know in the end it will all be worth it.
Well, I’ve decided to change my schedule to incorporate a language….probably Spanish. If I do actually double major like I’ve been thinking, I may try Italian or something else…
It’s nice to have progress…
Well, it’s mid-March and I’m hoping to move out in mid-May or June. I need to move closer to my school so I can have better classes. I’m so excited, but also kinda scared. I am making myself do it, b/c I keep making excuses, like I need to save more money, or other crap like that…it’s going to take me just doing it for it to happen… I’m not really telling anyone either… if I tell my parents, they will say something negative and make me feel like I can’t do it… I just hope everything works out, b/c I don’t want to have to move back home or quit school!
I’ve started to declutter a little bit… I cleaned out my closet of all the clothes I haven’t worn in…forever, and I’m working on my shoes and purses next. My neighborhood is having a yard sale in April, so I’m hoping to make a little bit of money off of some of the stuff, then give the rest to good will… I must admit, I have some great stuff, I was just holding on to things I’ve grown out of…
I have a few other things to work on too…but I would say I’m past the half way point! Whooooo!
(I think this is part of my “live simply” goal too…)
Okay, I know I just posted this, but the other day, I actually went to class with almost no makeup on… I think this goal kind of starts my “live simply” goal, in that I’m not so worried what I look like anymore… I am wearing a T-shirt and jeans almost everyday, sometimes I throw my hair back, and use minimal makeup… and I must say, it’s really nice. And for a college girl… I think that’s okay!
...do I want to go? (see my 43 places!)
This is step one to get my butt out of the country to see the world. I’ve recently looked on where to go to get it, but it’s gonna be a bit expensive, so it may have to wait a little while…
I’m not sure what this means to me… I like to have reasoning behind everything, but I’m not quite sure on this one.
I suppose I just want people to see me and think wow, she’s a great friend or I want to be like her. Perhaps that last one is shallow, but I think if someone wants to be like you, you’re doing something right, and that makes you a good person.
I just want to be a great person all around…. It makes me realize I need to change some things…. like: not be so judgemental (or don’t be so quick to judge if I am going to be judgemental), be a better friend (I missed my best friend’s wedding b/c I thought it was all a mistake and she was acting too fast, I just should have been there!).... there will be more to add here, I’m sure…
Things I think I already am: understanding, open-minded, polite, helpful….perhaps there will be more to add later….
I figured it out! I know how to do it! But, there was a slight problem…. the pic was too small, and when I made it bigger, it was all fuzzy….so, I suppose I’ll have to choose another one….but the point is, I DID IT!
I think this is a lot like being more thankful….but I need space for other goals that are more short term….not accomplishing anything is making me feel like everything I have listed may never happen!
Well, I am on my way! While I was visiting my niece and nephew over spring break, I read my niece tons of books…she loves it! Dora is her favorite…. I read the same book like 10 times! After I would finish a book, she’d want to read it again and again! But that great, I’m so glad she loves to read….my other nieces and nephews don’t at all…
Well, it was just to see family, and I came back early, but it was fun….I got to see my niece and she had her birthday while I was there…She turned 2!!!! She’s so cute!
Well, today I walked a little bit…it’s hard not being “little” anymore and the smallest of everyone I know….I know I’m not fat or anything, but I’m uncomfortable and unhappy… and it feels so good to work out! Here’s to the beginning of a great work out routine!
(Plus, I may be going to a wedding, and I don’t want to feel insecure…)
I was just reading people’s entries to go on a road trip with no predetermined destination and I decided I’d mix these two… I’ve never been anywhere for Spring Break, and really, I’ve just never been anywhere! I did go to Florida once, and Hawaii once, but I’ve really never been west of Arkansas… sad, I know. So instead of “winging” it… I’m going to road trip for Spring Break with a destination. I’m thinking Texas, maybe even as far as Arizona to see the Grand Canyon, but knowing me, I’d be like, well, I’m so close to California…why not? and then get stuck with no money, or have to trip take too long and miss class…. doesn’t sound too good. Perhaps I’ll aim for Texas and then see where the road takes me…Mexico anyone?
I remember the days when I was happy most of the time. I saw the best life had to offer. And now, I don’t. I think with every bad thing that happens in the world, and the older I get, I kind of lose hope. I lose hope for the future. I get upset because I think the world is completely going downhill. I feel like everyone is becoming careless. Careless with their trash, with their kids, with their words, with their money, with their intentions…with everything. Sometimes I don’t even want to deal with people at all.
I feel bad thinking that one day I may bring kids into this world, and when I die, they’ll be out there all alone in a corrupt world, driven by gossip and reality tv. No religion, no dinner at the table, no working hard for what you have, no peace….
It just makes me really sad.