Iwantobespecial

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
but honestly
won’t someone stop this train..

Had a talk with my old man
said help me understand
he said turn 68, you’ll renegotiate
don’t stop this train
don’t for a minute change the place you’re in..

once in a while when it’s good
it’ll feel like it should
and they’re all still around
and you’re still safe and sound
and you don’t miss a thing
‘til you cry when you’re driving away in the dark singing

stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
but now I see
I’m never gonna stop this train

John Mayer

I just want to be.
It was hard to choose what heading to put this under. Surrender fits the best, for actually..this is the epitome of surrender for a type A personality-ex wall street bond trader.
These are the guys I work with at a wholesale nursery. 20 or so, and me. The only female.
I am in charge of the perennial area. Together, we unload trucks. When we sell the plants, we load them back up again.
I couldn’t be successful without each one of them. Most of the guys are from other countries, here to make a better life. Spanish speaking. Really hard workers. I’ve been referred to as Wendy, they are all in their 20’s and me in my early 50’s. While we work we have discussions about family, life, love. They come to me for advice, and in turn I’ve started cooking for them. I love it. They love it. Living closer to the earth, hard physical labor, and a simple life.
I surrender to it graciously. Gratefully.

Immense

gray and gray and gray and gray

entirely itself
it wore the yard like a dress
with limbs low enough for me to enter the skirt
I climbed the crooked ladder to where
I could lean against the trunk and
practice being alone
One day
I heard the rustling sound before I saw it’s tears
fall darkening the sidewalk
sitting close to the center
I heard them hitting the low leaves
watching it happen without it happening to me