JC17

Well. . . i dont know if this counts. but I think i did it.

Every test we had all year long, i spent the whole time planning my death and how i was going to drop out of school, rather then spending time figuring out the answers.

my chem teacher told me that he was scared for me going into the final cuz he thought id come out with a 20 percent or something and fail the class.

turns out, i got a 72. best mark ive gotten all year long – and i actually tried prety hard. he asked if i was coming in chem 30.

HAHAHAHAHA.

no. i dont care how good i get at it. chemistry departmental? no thankyou.

unfortunately my overall mark will PROBABLY only be a 60 something. thats a little diaspointing, but, i guess it could definately be worse.

so im gonna consider this accomplished. just because i DID improve, anddd…cuz i dont have to take chemistry class again:)))).

well, i was doing actaully pretty good with this during the week. I stayed off MSN all week long, until friday when school was “cancelled” cuz of the weather. and then i came back on msn and really havent been off since. Well i made a little progress this morning – when i woke up, i actaully went UPSTAIRS first, instead of coming into the computer room as soon as my eyes opened.

...im thinking maybe i should write these goals down on paper/journal, keep track of them there, and then once a week come and update the 43 things. That way, i’m not on here, reading everyoen elses approaches, etc.

...becuase cutting out msn doesnt keep me off here. I’ll sit on hotmail for hours! emailing people back and forth czu we’ll catch each other online:P. or i’ll sign on msn and just leave it offline so i can see whos on, and then i’ll be alerted when i get a new email. its terrible, i gotta stop with the constant emails too.

...okay, so this is what im going to do (i sware, even uttering words about staying away from teh computer gives me an empty feeling haha):

STARTING TODAY, i’m going to limit myself to 15 minutes!! I seen some other peopel do that too. And in that time, the only thing I’m going to do is check my emails. I’m gonna limit my replies (as usually they’re extremely long NOVELS i send back to people) to what i have to say. I’m not going to sign onto msn – because i dont need to talk to anyone on there, and if they really wanna talk to me, haha, well, i’ll either see them at school and if i dont go to school with them, they can email me. or call me. so today, I’M NOT GONNA GO ON ANYMORE TODAY. omg, its only 130 haha, and that scares me all in itself. but its okay, i hvae lots of stuff i can do today!! – cleaning, homework, excerising, playing with my dogs outside, taking them for a walk, reading my book, washing clothes. . ..

..okay, actually i need to go on 15 minutes tonite to see wahts up for tonite:P haha, thats fucking terrible, but i can’t help it. I have to, its my way of communication!! so FIFTEEN MINUTES, no more!!! i’m gonna get off here, i’m gonna keep track in a notebook about my goals and how well i’m accomplishign them, and then once a week. . . i have to yet decide which day taht will be, i’ll come and update this site so im not on that much.

msn covered, 43 things covered, hotmail covered…the only thing left that’ll draw me back is the music. but i dont need new music, i can just listen to the stuff i got. and the radio. okay then. its solved.

....once again i rambled forever haha.

wish me luck.,

ahh, i suck at math. I hate it, usually.

Except, as sad as it is, sometimes I might actually like it(okay, thats pushing it. I DONT MIND IT, i should say), when i understand it. but, half the time i dont, so i really gotta shapen up, cuz im going in CALCULUS next semester. I HAVE to stick with it, and not drop out like i dropped outta physics 30 and chem 30. when the going gets tough, i have to quit..quitting. hah.

I NEEEED to start doing my assignments, because i NEVER EVER do them, ever. ever. ever ever. there’s no pressure to do them by the teacher, they’re never corrected, so i never do them. then when it comes ot review assignmetns or tests, i’m stuck.

i need to suck it up and start going to more math help/tutoring with my teacher after school, which she offers happily.

i need to do homework.