Jessicala

I once had no fears
none at all
and then when
I had some

to my surprise
I grew to like both
scared or brave
without them

the thrill of fear
thought I’d never admit it
the thrill of fear
now greatly enjoyed with courage

when I once was
untouchable
innocence roared
still amazes

when I once was
innocent
it’s still here
but in different places

neurosis
only
attaches
itself to
fertile
ground
where it can flourish

fear is a powerful drug
overcome it and
you think that you can do
anything!

should I
save myself
for later
or generously give?

fear of
losing
energy
is draining

it locks up your chest
shuts down the heart
miserly
and stingy
let’s open up : share!

-bjork

sooo, just when i gave up all hope of finding a bookcase, someone moved out of an apartment in town and left all their stuff with a big FREE sign in front of it. i picked up an old stereo system cabinet, and now it is converted into a bookcase, mostly for my education stuff and portfolios.

eh, the floor works just fine…

i “learned” the basics. now i just need a new A string, and some talent…

well, i ain’t gonna have one. so consider this goal complete.

after trying so much energy to help others, I realize I must not forget to help myself. So I am trying to reconnect to my multiple sources of inspiration, and remind myself of these throughout the day.

won’t be getting the job I have been posting about because student enrollment is at an all time low. The school won’t have a fourth grade next year, therefore, there is no class for me to teach.

The good news is when enrollment goes back up, I will have first dibs on the job.

...I always had a pet rabbit because my grandfather bred and raised bunnies to sell to pet stores. Due to his age, he had to give up this lifelong endeavor, and now I am missing bunnies. So, once my boyfriend and I have enough food to feed ourselves, I would like to get a new bunny!

You don’t need to be married to open joint bank accounts.

Score.

a couple month ago a can of white paint leaked in my closet, and my red bag got some splotches on it. yesterday I finally took the time to sit down and paint it, the way I intended months ago (to cover the messiness). It is developing quite nicely, a mix of realistic locust leaves/flowers, a butterfly and a crazy spiral. I’ll paint the otherside sometime this week!

I just moved to a new town with an awesome terrain. Full of cliffs, caves, streams, creeks and trails. My friend and I went exploring 2 weeks ago and found a small cave. It drops down between two large rocks, and while we are adventurous, there is no way we are going down there without an experienced caver.

Today we went out and found the railtrail and hiked up the 150 foot trestle which overlooks the cliffs. It was a great view, surrounded by locust, tulip, maple and oak tress. We climbed down along side of the trestle to the creek below. Hiked along the rocky shore for a bit and then went back up the side of the mountain. We went back to revisit the cave we found earlier, and went a little further up the rocky incline.

Can’t wait to see what we discover next time. my goal is to go out at least once a week for the summer.

Now that we have moved, I lost my old bike route. Now I have to bravely go into uncharted territory, or else I am going to be stuck sitting in my house all summer. Need some encouragement on this one…

two comrades and i have decided to join forces and write a book on why the current model of public education is failing, how it began, and an improved blueprint for its replacement.

the A string snapped, so until I make enough money to afford another, cello is on hold :(

I am waiting to hear if I get to go on a FOURTH interview. This time it would be a review before the board, where they ask me questions about my teaching philosophy and methods. I should be hearing something any day now, considering tomorrow is the start of June…

well, I didn’t really complete this on my own. Apparently an employee at True Value had been working on the same problem for three years. Her solution was to have the company deal with the business and removal, and customers can drop off bulbs at the store, at a $1.00 fee. This was the cheapest solution for all, but I have not totally dismissed this idea yet. I feel it should be part of the regular town-funded recycling programs, in order to encourage more people to participate.

now that we are living in a bigger and more beautiful space (aka, it actually looks clean after we clean it) i am more motivated to keep it clean.

Now I just need the energy and time to make new paintings…

We are officially in our new place. So much space and privacy! And I can turn the whole backyard into a garden if I want to, hurray! Cant wait to start exploring the creek, bike trails and all of the caves. This place is awesome.

we got the moving truck booked, paying chris in pizza to help us with the heavy stuff, and by tomorrow night, we’ll be in the new apartment!!! woot!