Jettymae

Life is full of journeys. Some go nowhere and once in a while one will lead somewhere. I’ve had my own share of hardships and struggles, it has seemed to be a hard year for many people around me as well. Still with these thoughts, I want to continue with my exploration of a new me that was always there. I have been a heavy drinker for a good portion of my life and it has led me on a journey with a dead-end, and an end I’ve seen in many other’s time and time again.

Today’s meeting was lovely, and filled with sorrow, inspiration, and hope. A room with all of that is wonderful, and to listen to the struggles people are met with everyday is very eye-opening and awing.

Though people may find such moments in almost any part of the day, I just hope that once in a while you do and I can continue. Life is so hard to live, but very easy to exist in. To nearly exist – I feel, is to only be dead. Thankfully not fully dead because you can always wake up to a different point that you may not have realized existed.

To our journeys, big and small, which may lead somewhere or to nowhere.

I realized that I need to do more than just moderate my drinking, that was a hard lesson learned.

Yesterday, I thought I discovered happiness.
It was a day full of joy. I enjoyed my work hours, and was even on time for once and not hung over. I then proceeded to drink copious amounts of tea and read books, which is something I lost joy in doing. Then I got into an argument, however, I did not cry and realized that the other person wasn’t being appropriate. Then I played the piano. It was wonderful.
On top of all of this I went to horse-trading days [kind of like community days for anywhere else], and it was wonderful. I bought some candles from a guy who sold them, met up with a guy I used to volunteer for. And finally, last but not least, Went to a free concert which was amazing.

It was a beautiful day which ended with a bubble bath, some green, and some vodka. Then it went a little sour. So I was close to finding happiness, if only for one day. It ended in a disaster, but today is a new day to try again.