Step into my office cuz your effin fired!
Jewel Lee's Life List
Live my own life…what does this mean? what does this mean to me?
It means freedom…
Freedom to choose how I spend my day…
Freedom to choose how I spend my nights…
* playing with my kids
* fixing dinner
Freedom to choose how I spend my days off…
* running errands
* having lunch with friends or family
* catching up on house work
Freedom to choose how to spend my money…
* carelessly if I want
Freedom from having to answer to anyone but me.
Freedom to accept the consequences of my actions.
Freedom from being scolded and kectured like a child..
Freedom to enjoy the rewards of my hard work..
Freedom from guilt.
Free to feel good about me and the life I have made.
Free to grow
Free to enjoy the blessings of Yah.
Free from shame
Free to have lunch with my sister without having to ask for permission..
Free to go to the grocery store without second guessing do I really need that stick of gum.
Free to be me; wonderful, freaky me.
But It’s also scary…
to be alone..
to be vulnerable to cons
to be without help when the car breaks down or the sink leaks.
to be without companionship
But It also hurts…
To never feel loved or accepted for who you are
To never feel good enough
To never make the grade
To never be told your beautiful
To always have your faults thrown in your face
To constantly be reminded of the mistakes you’ve made
To feel oppressed and supressed day in and day out
In the end I am reminded that no one is responsible for how I feel but me…and that’s part of living my own life…being responsible for how I feel.
If it’s my life why do I feel like I’m on auto pilot?
I feel like a feather in wind…controlled, manipulated
by someone else who has their best interests in mind.
I have no choice..no say…even if I say…I’m thrown to the ground
and I feel stupid for saying…
There is no oneness here…no singleness of heart, mind or purpose.
Maybe that’s my fault…
You would think I’d be brain washed by now…
but unlike the scarecrow..I have a brain…
and I wanna think for myself…and I want to feel ok with my thoughts..and my feelings…my choices and the consequences that follow…
I’m not a child..and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of being treated like one…..