I’m from England, and when I was in my early 20’s, after finishing University, I’d decided to take some time out and travel to the USA for 3 months.
I’d only ever been to the US once before for a 4 week holiday when I was around 14years old and that was with the entire family, so it was nice to be going by myself on this occasion.
I travelled from Florida, up the east coast visiting lots of relatives along the way (Maryland, New York etc etc)..
It was whilst I was at NY that I got to meet some of my 1st cousins’s children (at that time they were around 5 – 6 years old, a boy and a girl). I, being from the UK amused them with my accent, and they too, amused me no end as they were tough little New Yorkers !!
I’d play with them endlessly, and we had such a ball. Always fooling around, always having fun, watching TV and cracking lots and lots and lots of jokes (just writing this up now makes me remember them all).
When I finally left NY after about 8 weeks being there, I was SO sad to say goodbye to these wonderful kids that had given me SO much pleasure. And when I’d gotten back to the UK, my cousins couldn’t understand what I’d done to her kids (they did not stop talking about me and how much they missed me).
Roll on about 14 years later and I learn one day that through relatives that that little boy (I don’t wish to name him here) that I knew all those years ago, had killed himself with a rifle. Apparently, he’d been threatening to do it quite a lot and he finally succeeded.
When I learned of this terrible news, I was SO upset, because I KNEW that if I’d have hooked up with him, he’d be here today. I am SO ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN of that.
I’d have done ANYTHING to have fixed that little boy. I’d have moved heaven and earth, packed in my job, sold my house, anything. I had nothing but lovely memories of him (even though I only knew him for a matter of weeks).
I can’t put a figure but I think VERY often about him and especially what I’d have been able to do for him (for example, I moved and lived abroad for 5 years in Africa and often dreamt that I would have taken him there with me to see how poor African’s lived happily, very happily even though they had very little).
I too myself have felt suicidal at times (twice in my 46 years of living), so I do appreciate that life can seem overwhelming, but now, thanks to nothing other than a positive attitude (something I’d lost due to my circumstances), plus seeing / living in Africa and seeing that happiness is really easily lost in a western/materialistic/consumerist environment. Also being grateful, showing appreciation and praying some (never prayed before) has helped me tremendously.
So, that missed chance of saving someone I really cared about, is why I’d like to achieve this goal (should it ever arise).
