Jicama777

For the past month the only thing that has been good in my life is my relationship. I feel like everything else has fallen away…I think I’ve been pitying myslef too much. Fighting with best friend, fighting with other best friend, working overnight shifts only, sleeping through classes because of overnight shifts, not getting into the University as a transfer student, being TOTALLY disrespected by boyfriend’s ‘friend’, not being in the sun because I’m sleeping until 4pm because of the graveyard shift. Wah wah wah!

I think I’ve been feeling really depressed, and I need to change my outlook on things. I feel like my biggest depression issue is my job. If I get a job I care about again during normal working hours (I used to LOVE this job, not the overnight) everything else will change. I don’t think I am or will ever be able to adjust to the overnight shift, and the fact that I sleep until 4pm really upsets me. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being outside during the afternoon, but by the time I get up, eat, shower, etc. the afternoon has past and its becoming nighttime. I am a nocturnal creature now, on my days off i can’t fall asleep until 4 or 5am, but I’m up by 1pm, only to feel tired all day long.

With this unfavorable lifestyle I have stopped working out/exercising/playing, I eat and drink sugary/ junk food things at work to stay wake, I don’t see most of my friends anymore, and I don’t have my “night out on the town” with the girls anymore because I am at work instead.

My relationship has kept me sane though! He still has made me smile and laugh a lot, but I am begining to feel like I am bringing my downed feeling into us too much and that they may begin to afffect us in a negative way.

So after not being on here for over a year…I’m back! This time I have a plan…the only goals that are in order are 1-3. All the others are #2 “Stick to THE Plan” I think after accomplishing #3 (getting a job I enjoy…hopefully substitute teacher/something with kids) the others will be much easier. But I still have to start on them now, otherwise I think I could slip farther into feeling depressed…so today is the begining of seeing things half full again.

Just in case you didn’t know I used to see EVERYTHING half full until the begining of September when things kind of starting heading downwards.

So I have a very bad habit of guessing what people are going to say before they say it. Most of the time I’m wrong haha, but I do it all the time! To everyone, and after they go “No.” I think to myself [just wait!!] obviously too late…so it would be nice to work on this! I find it a little embarassing since I notice how much I do it.

“Yesterday’s history, Tomorrow’s a mystery, and Today’s a Gift”