Johnny_Dee

officially moving as of the 28th of July. I have my brother’s wedding to go to and that will be the 25th but the following week, i’m moving. I can’t wait and even though I don’t have a job yet, I will move anyway. It’s scary but, I know it needs to be done :)

Searching for places west and southwest of Denver. I’ve found a couple places that I like but I still want to search for more. There is time left still, but this is one of first things I want to do before I move out there. It would be nice to have an address :) :)

There will be a grace period from now until I visit. I won’t f^;9ing get into it but she gave me a lousy excuse that she won’t be in town while I’m visiting the week I’m there. Something about a lousy snowboarding trip. I don’t even believe her at all. As soon as she left school to go home I’ve hardly talked to her at all.

I’m trying to get over it but I still think about her. I think the only thing will help would be finding someone else. It will proba my be awhile until that happens. Usually these things come every great once in awhile for me.

I just wonder if this was doomed from the start. I think back and remember everything with what I know now. I just seem to think she wasn’t interested at all. Then I wonder wut I shud do if she still wants to see me. I am probably crazy for thinking that but it is a possibility. If that does happen I really won’t know wut to say. I don’t think it will be pretty cuz I’m pretty pissed off on the inside and I don’t forgive easy. Why shud I forgive someone like this? She knows she’s part of the reason I am visiting there.

But then there’s a part of me (small part) that really wonders if she did want to see me. Of course I don’t think I will never know. Communication with her is so atrocious that I don’t know wut her real thoughts, emotions, fears and intentions are. I guess I thrive on conversation that delves into that realm. I cud never talk about that stuff with her because she only gave one word answers. Answers that consisted of “I dunno”, “yea”, “lol”, and “maybe.” I just feel kind of dumb putting up with that crap.

I guess this won’t be easy to get over. I think I’m making progress but I think she will always be with me in memory and only time will heal me.

I guess I’ll still update this if something happens but I just have to pretend she doesn’t exist. At least I don’t have to worry anymore. That’s the first thing I realized after I knew I wudnt be seeing her. I really dont think I cud see her anyway now. What wud be the point in that?