Joshua333

so i relented on the 60 day bit. actually i made it for about three months and well…...i miss her. badly. and it sucks cause i told her how much i miss her and how i think she made a huge mistake and all of the other things yr. not supposed to tell the person who breaks yr. heart, but alas i did. and we are talking(code for we can have sex but not resally care too much about one another)and well…nothing has changed she’s still the same. and whilst its not like i am a new person entirely i do think that in my time away from her i grew, and am continuing to grow but, its like just the same as it is when she left and i dont think it will ever change. (sad face insert here)well life goes on..

0+0 does equal 1
0.45+0.45=.9
the .45’s round down to 0
and .9 rounds up to 1
i showed my calculus 2 class this the other day.:)

‘nough said

the cycle of it all i think is just that i am too giving.
can one be too giving? maybe, maybe not. what i do know is that a fuctional relationship isn’t one that invoves my ex. and is probably one that doesnt involve my new interest. i think that i will give up on this as i need some time for me before i even think about giving any more of myself to others, especially when those ‘others’ always seem to muck it all up in the end anyway.

well i guess i can comment a bit.
definitly a good thing to do. although she is no longer a stranger. :smile:
a guess after you kiss anyone they cease to be a stranger, in some cases, only by inconsequential amounts. in others, the outcome is more serendipitous.

i am about two weeks into the 60 no contact, and am curious how this might apply to my subconscious mind. in particular my dreams. you see i a usually am somewhat lucid in my dreaming, but the other night i dreamt of the ex. does that count? should i start over? well, maybe part of the “60 day no contact” rule should include a “think about your former lover less often” clause. i heard somewhere it takes half of the time the relationship lasted to get over somebody. or was it double the amount of time? i hope the former not the latter.

yesterday a rude man came into the place a work and started swearing at me for no real perceivable reason other than his own bad mood. normally i keep my cool but this guy evidentally pushed the right buttons, and i let him have it. and i mean i REALLY let him have IT. :grin: overall; very satisfying indeed.

to kiss a stranger. life as an abstraction of the conscious mind, the sublimation of your ego. looking all of that in its coincidental face, and….. well kissing it. i wonder what Frued would have thought? i know what i think, i think that i’m long overdue for some surreal, as the real has become way too vivid. And right now i think that a stranger is just what i need to yank my head out of the proverbial funk.

i like that. the story of the blue haired chic at 3am. i can dig that the deed is more selfish than altruistc, but its still one of the best ‘random acts of kindness’ that ive heard of. i wonder what that bluehaired pixie did to ‘pay it forward’ and if the next person in the line kept it going? how far did it go before it stopped? or has it? could it find its way to me? or any of you? well i digress…

so here are a few:
Girl-Satellite(no not like the DMB song, i dont even listen to them)
Boy-Rhys
Girl-Love(i’ve always liked that one!!!)
Boy-Ender
Girl-Sage
Boy-Tristan
not too bizarre. no apple, or moxie CrimeFighter, moon unit or Dweezle. i guess by comparisson i’m pretty normal. lucky me.

so the ‘calling me master’ bit is knda quirky, but it fits. if you have a masters degree, at least a few times it would be nice to be called master. indeed. i have picked a major though.
‘Mathematics&Philosophy’ pretty heady right? well thats ok i’ll deal. i’ve got about two years left to go before i get my bachelors in ‘electrical engineering and technology’ so i hope i can keep getting grant/scholarship/loan money to pay for it.
who knows after i get a masters, maybe i’ll go for my PhD. that would kick ass. Doctor Morgan. Hehehehe

that i also have to stop reading into things so much? i think not. i will from no on accept that i overthink, the trick i guess is to not over analyze. is that possible? i sure hope so. i dont beleive in add(its made up by greedy doctors and pill pushing drug companies)but if i did, i might think that i have it. so i will just accept that this is the way i am, no one can change me, and if they tried i would explain to them in a very rational manner why that wont work, and the will see that arguing with a pseudo-intellectual is just not wirth the effort.
lol:-0

i did a long long while ago, and it was awesome. so if its long enough, chop it off and give it away!!!

this is definitly something i am very serious about. i am an avid reader, as i have no tv, anly books and the internet(which, except for this site and a handful of others, my computer is reserved for school werk) so i have about seventeen(17) books to read. that doesnt include the one im on right now, or Finnegan’s Wake.(if any one has read the Wake or at least made an attempt, contact me and we can discuss it!!!LOL)
so no problems here

i find great joy in the “quest for the perfect…” i dont think that any thing is actually a “perfect” anything, as perfection is, in more cases than not, a subjective matter. to have the “perefect” anything that EVERYONE contends to as being the “perfect” whatever is pure lunacy. ahh but the attempt is where the pleasure is. you see life is full of whimsy, and troubles. everyone has a hard luck story, and if you get caught in it, whatch out!!! remember; have fun its all a chair of bowlies.
Drink of Choice for the First Decade of the Twenty-First Century: Newcastle Nut Brown Ale/Sammy Smith’s Oatmeal Stout

THELIST:
another roadside attraction
even cowgirls get the blues
still life with woodpecker
jitterbug perfume
skinny legs and all
half asleep in frog pajamas
fierce invalids home from hot climates
villa incognito
wild ducks flying backward
*read them, any of them, you can gain wisdom, strength and humor from a truly splendid author. utterly joyous in all things linguistic. celebrate it or ignore it.

is to see everything, go everywhere and any where you want to, then once you find a place that unlocks the magic within your soul; stay there. dont come back even to get your things, if they are really important(ie sentimentally valuable), then send for them. seriously. life is for the living. do your constiution a favor and see more of this world and interact more with the people in it. you wont be sorry you did.

so getting a better paying job should be to far away. the gravity of it is that the job i have now is really flexable, especially with school, and school realted issues(ie homewerk), im not lazy just comfortable. i hope its not going to take a catalyst to vivid to break me of my pathology.

the afforementioned video chain has recently started carring various episodes which will be supplemented by the internet in finishing this ridiculous feat of hillarious proportions.(that episode where that guy takes his credit card by mistake and bean keeps his hand in the guys pants pocket all the way to the lavoratory…lmfao;)

the afforementioned video chain has recently started carring various episodes which will be supplemented by the internet in finishing this ridiculous feat of hillarious proportions.(that episode where that guy takes his credit card by mistake and bean keeps his hand in the guys pants pocket all the way to the lavoratory…lmfao;)