Joy268

At least I am sleeping more than when I had to wake up at 6:30 to go to school every day…
But I still rarely sleep 8 full hours, and I wake up at 9 every day no matter when I go to bed ( Why? Mistery of the human body)
Yesterday I did a terrible effort to sleep until noon, but it seemed more like a fight agaisnt myself than a rest (Waking up every half an hour and struggling not to open my eyes)... I guess my body really needed it cause I had slept at 3 in the morning… It didn’t work this morning, I woke up at nine. I guess I should sleep earlier.
Or change my curtains so the sunlight doesn’t pass through.
For now I have dark circles around my eyes and no energy :P

...Because it is more precise
My mother and I have an ambiguous yet wonderful relationship.
We are really close and alike, we tell each other nearly everything, have the same taste in clothes, food, art, are both vegetarian, and take theatre classes together…
But we both get easily angry and we often get mad at each other and yell at each other because we have the same easily angry character. I wish to stop those frequent fights. They make us tired and sad, especially her who has health problems because of anger and stress. I know this means I’ll have to put up with her bad mood and her sometimes unjust accusations, but it’s okay.
This period she is also working a lot, and has a lot of responsibilities at work, which makes her very tired and irritable. She’s a very courageous and active woman who’ve raised me by her self, and I will try to ease it on her as much as possible, and try to show her how much I love her.
As for the number 16, she was born on March 16th. It’s her lucky number.

I’ve been recording my dreams for 4 consecutive days and I keep having the same repetitive schemes that involve my boyfriend cheating on me or leaving me, having bad grades on my exams, or being imprisoned somewhere (Jail or more recently concentration camp).
Those are precisely my obsessive fears. The Fear of being abandoned, of failure, and of being confined (Which is a feeling I always have at school and it leads me to a state that is nearly depressive. My freedom is very important to me.) The association between Jails, concentration camps and school is very obvious in my dreams (Some of the teachers are the guards for example). The thing is I have been on vacation for nearly a month and during the day I do not think at all about school problems, I’m sure I got over it since I’m joining next year a different school that gives a more “liberal” education… So I don’t understand why I always dream about it instead of having interesting, enlightening dreams like I usually do…
With my boyfriends, things are going great, I am still a bit jealous, like I’ve always been, but really less anxious than usual about him leaving me or cheating on me. So I don’t understand why I keep dreaming about it. Actually I am living a wonderful period of my life but my dreams do not reflect it at all, they keep reminding me instead of problems I thought I got over.
As for my exams, I will have my results on Monday so I don’t think I can expect to stop dreaming about it until then.
But maybe this should be taken into consideration. I know my fears haven’t disappeared completely but are latent right now so this could be an warning sign my unconscious mind is trying to send me, like I should actually work on them instead of just distracting myself from them…
I really miss having those wild, strange dreams I usually have and that haunt me all day… I’m really looking forward to those… maybe when I’ll have them I’ll be able to lucid dream again.