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List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 52 entries…)

384 That I have alternatives. I woke this morning crying, in the midst of kidshit that a dream apparently brought on. After a while I woke up enough to realize I didn’t have to stay mired where I was and got out of bed. Yay for alternatives!!!

385 Again, as always, for my husband. His hugs are a wonder drug against the kidshit.

386 I was waiting for DH at the bookstore and found a book, Madame Chic’s Life Lessons (or something like that). which may just change my life. Because of what I read, I started googling “French women, clothes” and such. Many things I already do are listed, others aren’t. Not not going to be hard to do, mostly a shift in attitude, and that’s it!

387 Superbetter.com which I’ve been using for the past few months. They havea “to do list” which has none of the emotional baggage that MY to do lists generate. I can do the items on the list and that’s it. I just get them done.

388 That all of the October/November money woes seem be finally over: someone got my cc number, because of Sandy the payment we’d set up hadn’t arrived at our insurance company and was nearly late, a reimbursement from DH’s company seemed to be missing, etc.

389 That despite the fact that I’m 2,000 or so pieces behind where I should be, I’ve still managed ot purge a lot of stuff this year 7,852 pieces as of the last formal “count.”

390 That, with or without my birth family, I have found other support networks: 43t, SB, DH’s family, etc. my life would be much poorer without them and all the work would be much harder!

Become NEARLY self sufficient (read all 12 entries…)
I'm doing one thing really differently,

I’m dropping out!

I’ve stopped buying big-name products as much as possible. I’m looking for either HM alternatives or small, indy producers.

Because of allergies, I’d done some of this quite a bit already. Our bar soap is melt/pour organic scent-free stuff. Comes in a 2 lb container. (DH cut it into 8 bars.) I expect we’ll use it for years. From the same company I bought “lotion base” which is like cold cream, I add water and use it as hand lotion, etc. DH uses it as shaving soap. We’ve been using the same 1 lb tub now for at least 2 years?

The shampoo we used seems to have been discontinued. I have a few bottles left, but when that’s gone, my plan is to make shampoo bars or buy shampoo base from the company where I got the other products.

I go through the P & G coupon flier now and find maybe one or things I want coupons for. It used to be one of my favorite coupon sources.

We’re buying used durable goods more often, clothes, tools, etc. and reusing more things as well—screws, etc.

I’m working on a way to make some money from my veggie garden next year. We’ll see if it works!


Become NEARLY self sufficient (read all 12 entries…)
Making our bread regularly

and other stuff, much more than we had previously. Have frozen stuff from the garden and pickles in the fridge this year too. Slowly, but surely . . . .


Be out of my storage unit by 12/31/12 (read all 2 entries…)
This isn't going to happen, sigh.

I’ve resigned myself to the best I can do, maybe, is to get into a smaller unity by 12/31/12—and that will be pushing it.



I tried to change the name of this goal, couldn’t because it was too long. Went back to fix it, couldn’t, because the goal wasn’t on my list. So I bailed. Thank you 43t for helping me with this goal, REALLY!

List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 52 entries…)

379 We are getting some necessary work done on the house. Yay!

380 I have not heard from anyone in my “family” in > 2 months. GRIN (that’s the people I share DNA with). My life is much happier without them.

381 That because of 379, DH & I have spent the past 3 days getting the yard cleared and organized. (I made 4 trips to the dump, for example.)

382 That because of the hard work the past 3 days I’ve actually gone to bed and just slept for the past 2 nights. (Seems unlikely to be repeated tonight however, sigh. )

383. I am grateful for my garden which produces whether I water, weed, mulch & trim as much as I think I should, or not. We’ve got patty pan squash, zucchini, 3 kinds of beans, fennel, sorrel, tarragon, thyme (3 kinds this year!), watermelon, parsley, chives, mint, onions, potatoes, carrots, argula, cabbage, kohl rabi, and 5(?) types of tomatoes this year. The lettuce has gone to seed and the Jerusalem artichokes haven’t flowered yet. I can’t feed us, but I sure make our produce bills smaller in the summertime!


Allow myself to come to as many as 43 new truths (read all 67 entries…)
I'm all atremble. . .

we have the first submission for the new anthology. I, my co-editor, and the author are likely the only folks who’ve read this story.


wtf am I doing in a group with a PhD in biology and PhD in aeronautics (I think) and reading the guy’s work to judge it? BOY do I have a case of imposter syndrome!!!

The concept for the book is my idea, and the story was written specifically for the anthology. I like the story.

And I’m awe-struck. This story was written because I had an idea three years ago.


I’ll get over it, but I am alternately terrified and jubilant. What an honor! Someone wrote a piece of fiction because of something I came up with.



List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 52 entries…)
378 (This one is HUGE!)

378 I was going to make a U turn at sunset. Facing west, I could barely see. I almost went, but then didn’t because I saw something circular in the middle of the glare? The circular thing resolved itself into my HUSBAND on his motorcycle. He waved and went past me.

Boy am I GRATEFUL I waited as long as I did!


Finish the writing I've started, make it something I can be proud of, and sell same (or try). (read all 38 entries…)
I'm doing an e book, going to be editing a book

proposed an article to a friend, keep pecking away at the memoir, the novel, and the kitchen book. Somehow, I keep adding projects, things are getting whittled away at and eventually, they’ll be done.

Slowly, but surely, I’m letting myself become a writer and editor. It was (I guess) too scarey to do just in one fell swoop.

Sometimes I hate the way my being mangled as a kid shows up, when it’s something like this, but whatever. It is what it is!

Somehow, I’m writing more and more.


Attitude of Gratitude: Make Note of 3 Gratefuls & 3 Did Wells Each Day (43T) (read all 12 entries…)

I am grateful for the social media.

I am grateful for my friends.

I am grateful that my co-editor is a pro, with an establishe repuation, it’s saved me a lot of learning and increases MY credibility.

We got the kitchen cabinet back on the wall (it had started to come down) and it is clean and well ordered.

We also got the dishwasher cleaned up. (We have a lot of iron in our water, it mundges up things.)

I am grateful that the authors who’re writing for us are so enthusiastic about the concept! (It was my idea.)


List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 52 entries…)

377 I am grateful that we sold a 2nd anthology; the contract was signed today. Yeah!!!!


List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 52 entries…)

369 I am grateful that we have sold a 2nd anthology. YAY!!!

370 I am grateful that you can (FINALLY!) see a difference in
the quantity of boxes in my livingroom. (It was a LOT of work.)

371 I am grateful for warm weather that isn’t sweltering or blisteringly hot.

372 I am grateful that I have some really great neighbors. (We have some clunkers too, but doesn’t everyone?)

373 I am grateful for SB and my allies there.

374 I am grateful to be alive and so content.

375 I am REALLY grateful that I can say the previous (#374)!

376 I am also really grateful I found 43t 7 years ago today.


Allow myself to come to as many as 43 new truths (read all 67 entries…)
Happy anniversary to me

Thank you all for being here and a part of my life!


Remember why I loved sf/f so much! (read all 2 entries…)
Okay, I'm shedding the books like mad

and desparately want this job DONE!!! But just when I think I’m outta s/f, except for my friends there, something happens. This time?

Well, we sold a 2nd anthology!

More details as I know them, later—


Do the things I'm putting off (read all 24 entries…)
I think this qualifies.

I wrote this a while ago, like 2. 5 YEARS ago?

Outstanding items 5.0

Still to do:. . . remove the white melamine bookcase that’s there,

Jan 01, 2010, 06:31AM PST


The other items on that post were:
Outstanding items 5.0

Still to do:
-remove the large tool chest from the kitchen.- Sold

-Get the small table (when you find it!) into the kitchen.- Done

Put the big table into the living room.
- This has to wait on getting the green table OUT of the livingroom. 6/09- Green table gone, big table still in kitchen

-Get the benches back into the van.-
-This has to wait on EMPTYING the van. 6/09-
-Get rid of the van. See above.- Van got sold

Find places to put away the paper, fabric, etc. that needs to be stored in my office that’s currently stacked up in the corner and middle of the floor.Still working on this one

Get the two J hooks hung from the roof joists in the attic. Not done

Get rid of the boxes of papers, FINISH filing the stuff. Not done

I just wondered how long it’s been that I’ve wanted that book case gone, and now it is! :D


Change my website and/or make a new one, and/or...? (read all 10 entries…)
I know what I'm going to do with my website

I talked to some friends who’re writers and asked if what I had planned would be helpful or a pain?

Everyone universally said that it was a GREAT idea and to do it.

So, I shall!


shut up if I can do it the right way! (read all 6 entries…)
I think I've got this

it’s not easy, nor automatic, but it’s getting there. Part of it is that I realize I’m just not that likable. I’m not bad, but I have always thrust myself at people as if they’d be delighted to know me. There’s no particular reason that would be true. Mostly I think I did that as a defiance against the being “sub-human” or “flawed” legacy from the abuser. I couldn’t even contemplate the reality that there will inevitably be people who don’t like me. More, whether they like me or not doesn’t really matter. Being a buffoon in that particular way is idiotic.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a plea for assurance that I’m fine. I know I am. This is admitting that the coping skills the wounded, lost kid came up with aren’t the best socialization, that’s all. More, the coping skills that were appropriate or necessary at 5, 29, etc. are not appropriate at nearly 60! :D

The real irony of this of course, is that this is exactly where I call my family deficient—which is I suppose another way of saying that if they’d done it with ME, it wouldn’t matter.

Bleh. I would like a pass out of this particular rat maze! I don’t know one, but I’m going to work on it.


What I started this with was the pride that I’m catching myself, I’m working on changing the behavior that started this goal. I’m glad—but what the rest of the post pointed out is that I have no idea what to replace the old behavior with.

Allow myself to come to as many as 43 new truths (read all 67 entries…)
New yardstick

hasn’t been easy to come up with. I finally admitted out loud that I was really depressed, starting around the 1st of the year and going on from there. Not stop you dead in your tracks depressed, but depressed just the same.

I’m tired of fighting me,the stuff, etc., etc. blah blah blah.

If I wasn’t afraid of just traumatizing myself all over again, and Dh being mad (rightfully so) I’d just get a dumpster and or make a LARGE fire.

But…I’ve got to honor myself and honor the money we’ve spent to preserve the stuff and get as much $$ back out as I can.

Along that line…I made $ the first 2 months of this year, and haven’t the past 3. Depending on what I heard/misheard (?) over the phone, I may have only lost about $30 this month, but that means that I also didn’t make the storage rent either. I’m about ready to call it quits at the antique store and just consign stuff or do shows, or something ELSE.



Both be safe and feel safe. (read all 10 entries…)
One thing I haven't been good about

is acknowledging how fragile I am, and letting that be okay. I tend to rush in and just “dismiss” after I regain my equilibrium whatever upset I’ve gone through. The pre-verbal thing has really thrown me, much more than I was comfortable admitting or even letting myself acknowledge internally.

I need to get where if I’m upset, it’s “okay” I can honor myself and my feelings—admit them, acknowledge them, and have compassion for myself by letting them be what they are.

I’m not there yet. The problem with what I did with my upset feeligs, I buried them/shut them off, is that like water behind a dam, that only builds potential energy. When that’s emotional energy, it’s scary when it lets go. I know about that, I just hadn’t seen/admitted that’s what was occurring.

My old way to cope when something was too much was to just shut down: read, not want to go anywhere, etc. That has been my yardstick for if I was coping with (whatever) or not?

Well, I’m older/wiser/stronger now—I no longer “go to ground.” I go out and about, talk to people, etc. The old yardstick doesn’t work. I need a new one!


Get our weekly grocery bill down to $50 a week. (read all 4 entries…)
I've been working

on only buying what I went into the market for, and it most cases, that’s all I’m buying. This means that our food bill has been much smaller. On the other hand, I just ordered a case of DH’s sugar.

I wouldn’t order sugar by the case except that what he likes (Domino Demerra) is not available regularly at any of our markets. After months of finding it in market 1, then not. Find it in market 2—who then stops carrying it. I got tired of the endless searching, and about 2 years ago just started ordering it by the case lot (12 pkg) from the coop. Much easier!

Last night we had carrot & red lentil soup, which is both yummy and pretty cheap. The recipe is here:


I don’t make it with the toasted cumin and peppers btw, I found it didn’t change the taste that much and we used up the toasted cumin seed over a period of about 6 months—it was much more than we wanted at once.

The recipe would be cheaper, but not as pretty, if you used brown lentils. I also have some black lentils left, although I doubt I have enough to make the soup.


Get back on track in terms of my mental and physical health (read all 12 entries…)

Didn’t do so good on this one. In the past month? I’ve gAINED weight. Yesterday when I had my physical I was 1/4” shorter than I had been a year ago and weighed 135, the heaviest I’ve ever been.

My blood pressure wasn’t great, but not dangerous either 132/72. So I went swimming afterwards.

Also the pain in my leg is planar fascia (or something like that). With some water walking yesterday and icing and some ibuprophin, it seems much better today. Let’s hope that trend continues!


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