Dear 43 Things Users,

10 years after introducing 43 Things to the world, we have decided we have met our last goal: completing the incredible experience that has been 43 Things. Please join us in giving one last cheer to all the folks who have shared their goals with the world, as well as all the people who have worked at The Robot Co-op to build this incredible website. We won a Webby Award, published a book, and brought happiness to a lot of people.

Starting today, 43 Things users can export their goals and entries from the site. Starting August 15, we will make the site “read only”. 43 Things users will still be able to view the site and export their content, but we won’t be taking any new content from users. We hope to leave the site up for folks to see and download their content until the end of the year. Ending on New Year’s Eve takes us full circle.

It has been a long ride (one of our original goals was to "build a company that lasts at least 2 years” - we beat that one!) While we wish the site could live on, it has suffered from a number of challenges - changes in how people use the site, the advertising industry, and how search engines view the site. We wish the outcome was different – but we’ve always been realistic about when our goals are met and when they aren't.

As of today, you will be able to download your goals and entries. See more about that on the FAQ page. Thanks for 10 great years of goal-setting and achieving.

- The Robots.

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JudithKD

is at PC w/ the other name,you should know it!!



Entries
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Write and then write some more! (read all 22 entries…)
The last chapter of the memoir

right now is a journal. I can’tknow what’s going to happen until it does and that’s the form it’s taking now. Of course, it won’t stay that way, I mean I’d put the world to sleep!

But it’s getting worked on!

jkd



Finish the writing I've started, make it something I can be proud of, and sell same (or try). (read all 40 entries…)
The 2nd anthology has been sent to the publisher

so that’s done!

The memoir is being whacked away at, steadily I might add, so that’s progressing. Unfortunately, the last “chapter” deals with the shame work, it’s stalled until I get it done. I can’t write about it until I do it, unless I’m writing fiction—right?

Ah reality = THUNK!= I’ve run into you, again.

jkd



Allow myself to come to as many as 43 new truths (read all 69 entries…)
The shame work is moving along

the house is slowly, but surely getting cleaner. It’s hard to do much when 1)I’m burnt out with the cataloging books deal and 2)There’s so much stuff here.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it hasn’t, yet. I waffle between periods of great fragility and wimpyness and feeling like I can overcome anything I set my mind to. Odd contrast.

The fragility is new, raw, and much deeper than the PTSD stuff was. It’s scarey for me because most of it is really old crapola.

The key seems to be a few things: 1)This is going to take some time. It may only take a day to clean a room for most people, but I’m not just cleaning a room—I’m dealing with a lifetime of insecurity, invasion, abandonment, and betrayal. All the stuff that “home” is supposed to be and mine wasn’t. I have to be okay with the fact that the act of cleaning a room is easy, but the emotional stuff that goes with it isn’t and takes time and care. 2)Creativity is the key out. One point about a month ago I said to someone that creativity is the expression of the unconsious self, unedited by others, life, etc. which is true. It is also therefore the only real counter I can find to the nasties that I mentioned before. I can work on a rug, finding a way to display/organize my embroidery floss, set up my house plants, etc. and all of that helps me to cope with the rest. 3)I need help. Specifically, I need DH’s help and participation. It helps to counter the emotional stuff too.

So we’ve developed a sort of routine. I do whatever I do and if he hasn’t got time to help (and he rarely does these days, they doubled his work load last year) we talk about what I’ve done and he tells me what he thinks. It’s enough—mostly.

Oh! Last point, I forgot (smirk) 4)I don’t work in a straight line. I just don’t go from A to B to C to D, unless I force myself. So beating myself up because this process is a meandering one is just silly. Given a choice I never work in a linear fashion. And so that has to be okay too!

jkd



Petition the robots to remove the option to share the entries of others on facebook, twitter, etc. (read all 6 entries…)
I love that 0 of us, 6 of us are doing this

and it says we aren’t. :D

jkd



Change my website and/or make a new one, and/or...? (read all 10 entries…)
We did this

Our ISP had “broken” our site, we couldn’t add files, DH, techie that he is, tried a thing or two, didn’t work. Finally got ahold of their tech support who did an “easy fix” which she thought fixed it. No.

So they did something else, which only partially fixed it—it required us to do more work when the functionality was supposedly part of what we’d paid for. We told them it didn’t work, and finally, they fixed it.

But we changed ISPs. It shouldn’t take that, esp. when the ISP doing an update (or?) broke it to begin with!

jkd



Make my rugs. (read all 22 entries…)
Working on it!

With some help, decided that the piece that wouldn’t heal was shame. Working on that helped me get through a lot of the house issues. So, the big thing that rev’s me re the house is decorating it here & there. We need a mat in the kitchen, the floor gets to my feet, so I’m making it.

My indicator that I’m “winning” against the shame is going to be letting myself finish things. I am DETERMINED to finish this rug, and DH has challenged me too. So, we’ll see!

jkd



Say hello to my friends
Hi all!

Not here much, but I see many of you elsewhere! :D

Good wishes—

jkd



Finish the writing I've started, make it something I can be proud of, and sell same (or try). (read all 40 entries…)
Progress

The 2nd anthology is still getting submissions from the authors we solicited. (The deadline isn’t for a bit yet.)

The memoir is outlined! I had major stumbling blocks here:

1)I had to get past the family crap (the memoir will blow a lot of that sky high which didn’t bother me, but I didn’t really want to THAT in public. Finally found a work-around, I think.)

2)Didn’t know how to do the bit with DH. I mean 32 years of marriage? Some of it’s boring, some of it is NOT, but that’s still a huge hunk o’ stuff to winnow down. Finally realized he’s part of almost all of it, so that’s where the pieces about him are going, in the sections where they fit.

3)Couldn’t figure out how to end it, without dying. I mean it’s what I’ve done almost my entire life, this journey. Is it over? No. It won’t be over when I finish either (I hope.) so how to end it? I kept running into that.

4)Being called “crazy” because of the piece is likely and that bothered me. I think I’ve given it up, as much as possible anyway. People are going to call me “disturbed,” “crazy,” “socially malajusted,” etc. They already have, and I hadn’t necessarily written anything down for the PUBLIC yet.

Yes, being called “crazy” or whatever will probably hurt, but no, I can’t control what other people do. And, if people see the work as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves by belittling me? Well, it’s hardly the first time that’s occurred! My family does that implicitly, but not directly, all the time, strangers can hardly hurt more. And I (foolishly) always expected my family not to hurt me; I expect the great wide world will kick me as hard as they can, some of them, although some of them will be wonderful. People are like that.

jkd



Change my website and/or make a new one, and/or...? (read all 10 entries…)
This is in process

I’d forgotten how long I’ve had this on my “DO THIS!” list!

jkd



List the gone?
Did

Heavee delete?

jkd



Let myself get mad and work through it. (read all 9 entries…)
I don't know

what to do?

My brother sent me a birthday present. No card, no note, no wrapping, just a “fancy” mailer from the post office and a book, Weird Things People Say in Bookstores. Absolutely appropriate, and distressing.

You see, I’d written them off. AT one point last year his wife called and I basically told her she’d invoked a flashback, and I really didn’t need that. Then they called & talked, just enough to make sure they weren’t “bad guys.” When that was done, they were bored again.

And, if I’d had my guard down, that would have traumatized me, again. The abuser’s mantra was my family treats me the way they do because I’m vile. (Punch-punch-punch.)

wtf they can’t just be mature enough to say. “Hey! Nice talking to you, gotta go!” and hang up, I don’t know. But it happens again and again.

Months go by. My brother calls and we have this really awkward conversation, no, he talks about some book, and I saw “uh huh” a lot. I didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to hear from him, and if I’d remembered where the area code on the caller id had been, I wouldn’t have answered the phone.

So Weds. this book arrives.

God I HATE being part of a dysfunctional family where a large part of the “contract” is that they’re fine, and I’m fucked up. I can’t think of a way to change it, can’t think of anything to do that would render it inert.

My brother is emotionally inept. I know it. He denies he has any complex emotional fallout from having divorced alcoholic parents, multiple step mothers, an insecure childhood, etc. He’s “fine.” He’s kindly but not mean.

His wife went through hell and mostly came out of it. She’s a street fighter. Guess who does the battles in the family?

Okay. I know all this.

I’d like to have a relationship with him, but not her. She’s attacked me three times now—and that’s twice more than enough. But you want him, you get them both.

My problem is how to respond to the book. I don’t want a relationship with them. I can’t the way things stand. I can’t go along with the program. To do so, sets me up over and over to be traumatized, again and again. They aren’t worth that. NO ONE is worth that.

And I don’t see an answer.

jkd

The only thing I can think of is to “misunderstand” and send the book back after a while with a thank you note for loaning it to me. It eliminates the debt and capitalizes on the fact that there was no card or note. What do you think?



List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 54 entries…)
Happy Thanksgiving to all

AND to those who aren’t in the US, oh well, I’m glad you’re here too! I am SO grateful and thankful 43t was started, many of my best friends are here.

Make joyful noise—

jkd



List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 54 entries…)
384-390

384 That I have alternatives. I woke this morning crying, in the midst of kidshit that a dream apparently brought on. After a while I woke up enough to realize I didn’t have to stay mired where I was and got out of bed. Yay for alternatives!!!

385 Again, as always, for my husband. His hugs are a wonder drug against the kidshit.

386 I was waiting for DH at the bookstore and found a book, Madame Chic’s Life Lessons (or something like that). which may just change my life. Because of what I read, I started googling “French women, clothes” and such. Many things I already do are listed, others aren’t. Not not going to be hard to do, mostly a shift in attitude, and that’s it!

387 Superbetter.com which I’ve been using for the past few months. They havea “to do list” which has none of the emotional baggage that MY to do lists generate. I can do the items on the list and that’s it. I just get them done.

388 That all of the October/November money woes seem be finally over: someone got my cc number, because of Sandy the payment we’d set up hadn’t arrived at our insurance company and was nearly late, a reimbursement from DH’s company seemed to be missing, etc.

389 That despite the fact that I’m 2,000 or so pieces behind where I should be, I’ve still managed ot purge a lot of stuff this year 7,852 pieces as of the last formal “count.”

390 That, with or without my birth family, I have found other support networks: 43t, SB, DH’s family, etc. my life would be much poorer without them and all the work would be much harder!



Become NEARLY self sufficient (read all 12 entries…)
I'm doing one thing really differently,

I’m dropping out!

I’ve stopped buying big-name products as much as possible. I’m looking for either HM alternatives or small, indy producers.

Because of allergies, I’d done some of this quite a bit already. Our bar soap is melt/pour organic scent-free stuff. Comes in a 2 lb container. (DH cut it into 8 bars.) I expect we’ll use it for years. From the same company I bought “lotion base” which is like cold cream, I add water and use it as hand lotion, etc. DH uses it as shaving soap. We’ve been using the same 1 lb tub now for at least 2 years?

The shampoo we used seems to have been discontinued. I have a few bottles left, but when that’s gone, my plan is to make shampoo bars or buy shampoo base from the company where I got the other products.

I go through the P & G coupon flier now and find maybe one or things I want coupons for. It used to be one of my favorite coupon sources.

We’re buying used durable goods more often, clothes, tools, etc. and reusing more things as well—screws, etc.

I’m working on a way to make some money from my veggie garden next year. We’ll see if it works!

jkd



Become NEARLY self sufficient (read all 12 entries…)
Making our bread regularly

and other stuff, much more than we had previously. Have frozen stuff from the garden and pickles in the fridge this year too. Slowly, but surely . . . .

jkd



Be out of my storage unit by 12/31/12 (read all 2 entries…)
This isn't going to happen, sigh.

I’ve resigned myself to the best I can do, maybe, is to get into a smaller unity by 12/31/12—and that will be pushing it.

Darn!

jkd

I tried to change the name of this goal, couldn’t because it was too long. Went back to fix it, couldn’t, because the goal wasn’t on my list. So I bailed. Thank you 43t for helping me with this goal, REALLY!



List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 54 entries…)
379-383

379 We are getting some necessary work done on the house. Yay!

380 I have not heard from anyone in my “family” in > 2 months. GRIN (that’s the people I share DNA with). My life is much happier without them.

381 That because of 379, DH & I have spent the past 3 days getting the yard cleared and organized. (I made 4 trips to the dump, for example.)

382 That because of the hard work the past 3 days I’ve actually gone to bed and just slept for the past 2 nights. (Seems unlikely to be repeated tonight however, sigh. )

383. I am grateful for my garden which produces whether I water, weed, mulch & trim as much as I think I should, or not. We’ve got patty pan squash, zucchini, 3 kinds of beans, fennel, sorrel, tarragon, thyme (3 kinds this year!), watermelon, parsley, chives, mint, onions, potatoes, carrots, argula, cabbage, kohl rabi, and 5(?) types of tomatoes this year. The lettuce has gone to seed and the Jerusalem artichokes haven’t flowered yet. I can’t feed us, but I sure make our produce bills smaller in the summertime!

jkd



Allow myself to come to as many as 43 new truths (read all 69 entries…)
I'm all atremble. . .

we have the first submission for the new anthology. I, my co-editor, and the author are likely the only folks who’ve read this story.

Me?

wtf am I doing in a group with a PhD in biology and PhD in aeronautics (I think) and reading the guy’s work to judge it? BOY do I have a case of imposter syndrome!!!

The concept for the book is my idea, and the story was written specifically for the anthology. I like the story.

And I’m awe-struck. This story was written because I had an idea three years ago.

Me?

I’ll get over it, but I am alternately terrified and jubilant. What an honor! Someone wrote a piece of fiction because of something I came up with.

Wow!

jkd



List 1125 (thanksgiving) things I am grateful for! (read all 54 entries…)
378 (This one is HUGE!)

378 I was going to make a U turn at sunset. Facing west, I could barely see. I almost went, but then didn’t because I saw something circular in the middle of the glare? The circular thing resolved itself into my HUSBAND on his motorcycle. He waved and went past me.

Boy am I GRATEFUL I waited as long as I did!

jkd



Finish the writing I've started, make it something I can be proud of, and sell same (or try). (read all 40 entries…)
I'm doing an e book, going to be editing a book

proposed an article to a friend, keep pecking away at the memoir, the novel, and the kitchen book. Somehow, I keep adding projects, things are getting whittled away at and eventually, they’ll be done.

Slowly, but surely, I’m letting myself become a writer and editor. It was (I guess) too scarey to do just in one fell swoop.

Sometimes I hate the way my being mangled as a kid shows up, when it’s something like this, but whatever. It is what it is!

Somehow, I’m writing more and more.

jkd



Entries
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