Julli83

By reading the posts here I could notice that this is a problem that affects the whole world. Though I don’t wish what I go through for nobody, it’s comforting to know that we are not alone! My time in my mother’s house has already expired, though I’m living there yet. Family sucks sometimes. I’m not allowed to have my own space, I can’t complain if people use my stuff, and yet I don’t have even the right to be sad about it or to ask for my rights to be respected. It seems that though I live there, that place isn’t my home. It’s just a place where people let me stay, sleep, eat and shower, for the one reason that they have the legal responsibility to take care of me while I can’t maintain myself.
If only I could have a job that payed all my expenses so I didn’t need to ask for her money… If only I could come to her house only to visit, or not even that: my real wish is to fade away for a long time so that they can miss the daughter she had so badly that they’d treat me as a person when they saw me again.

I shuld have done this a long time ago, but I had no money, so I started to do this this year. I failed the first exam because I was too nervous, and I didn’t keep the car going, the engine died a lot of times… now I have the exam the next week, and so I decided to practice with my mom’s car to avoid paying more money to the school… I had the double of the classes I should have done, and also practiced with mom’s car, but still I faild the exam.. So today I didn’t want to pay more money to the school… so I got mom’s car to practice in the condo I live in.. Result is.. I don’t know if I can ever get the fckng driver’s license, because even with lots of classes and practice, I smashed my mom’s car into a tree… no practicing after that…. I am ashamed, though she didn’t ger mad at me… But I am ashamed of that, because I am 23, gonna be a lawyer in three months or less, and even my younger sister already got hers… I am ashamed that I do not control the car, can’t avoid smashing it into a tree, and that all the people I know got their licenses and I too stupid to get it too.
fck…
the exam is monday and I have 6 days to practice… but I am ashamed of telling my boyfriend that his dumb girl did this dumb thing today, because he said he’d help me out too at night.. I am afraid I will play stupid in front of him too.
and I’m afraid of the car too…
sht.
will I ever get it?
I dream with the day I’ll go places alone, pass by my boy’s house just to say hello, as he does with me… go to my friends’ houses to pick them up and go shopping.. But I just can’t drive;;; don’t know what happens that I don’t drive.

I’m still drinking 4… the other four are sooooooooo hard! hahahahaha