Kahdeksantoista

Mum and Dad split, which was a blessing because I never got along with my Mum. By ‘never got along’ I mean she was abusive, controlling and mentally abusive also.

I left with my Dad and I got freedom but my mind couldn’t accept all these good things happening to me. I became depressed and scared that every train trip I took was going to result in death, or everytime the one person that was keeping my head above water (Will) was going to die too. Coupled with the fact I had OCD, this was one huge goal.

I am no longer depressed but I still have OCD to a serious and discomforting degree. I am not quite happy yet as such because I don’t feel free. I want to take one holiday and have my passport and a job, a steady income to feel free, to feel like I can take off whenever I want to. I am at college right now as opposed to unemployed and sitting in the house, as that was making it worse. So I have stepped forward a little bit which I will rephrase as a big bit.

This took me one day from the discovery of the site. I was never told about the site. It was an accident and it is strange how things happen really!

When you trial things out you realise what a butterfly effect is. Let’s look at how I got postcrossing? OK, I love Metal music and Glam Rock. I joined myspace and saw some ‘celebrities’ were on it. I started putting names after the forward slash after myspace.com and seeing what I got. I love WASP, so naturally I tried myspace.com/blackielawless. I got a lovely Scottish metal lady from Fife who lives on Myspace. She posted a lot of bulletins with mteal videos. I clicked on one of the videos and that took me to YouTube. I discovered YouTube having not heard about it before (this was in 2004/5 I think). I was browsing one day and found ‘Crazed Numa Fan’ by Boogerdeunit. I watched all of her blogs and it inspired me to post a video response. The buzz I got from making videos and people sharing my life stories made me feel happy and I escaped from the awful, closed childhood I was living. I have been uploading vlogs to YouTube for two years now and one day I signed in and a featured video ‘7 days’ by j0ames was there. In the sidebar of that video was his Twitter link. I read his Twitter and liked the look of the site so I signed up. After being on Twitter for a while there was this woman called Angel on there. She was very secretive. Her LiveJournal was on private and so were her tweets. You had to tweet her a lot and get to become friends before she added you on Twitter, then you had to be a treasured person before she let you read her LiveJournal. I was one of these priveledged people. She is amazing at photography and started a 365 project. Which inspired me to do so ( http://www.trapezeovertheocean.co.uk ). I Googled ‘365 project’ to get the low down and I found Photojojo, I read their page on 365 projects and signed up to the newsletter. On their website they were advertising Postcrossing. Now I am not one to click on adverts as they are usually about losing 115lbs in three hours with Chinese herbal tea but this one looked legit. I clicked on the ad and it brought me to the site. You can guess what happened next.

http://www.postcrossing.com/user/Kahdeksantoista

Before I can do this entry I need to do others. For example. The part-time job one; I need to accomplish this to earn the money to pay for the trip and also to pay for a passport. Ideally, but not a necessity, I need to have passed my OU course in Mandarin so I can speak with native speakers and become more proficient.