Kaikisuka

I’m going to do it because if I don’t, the words will keep hurting.

I shouldn’t be ugly, but I am. I come from a family where all of my female relatives are stunningly beautiful, and I’m…not. I’m the ugly duckling. There are times when I feel like it’s completely unfair that they be so beautiful, so perfect-looking, while I am so ugly.

I work out, I try so hard, I take care of myself and I do everything that should make me beautiful. But there comes a point when I have to face myself and realize that there is only so much I can do. That I have this face, this body, and there’s nothing more to it. That is so hard for me—I want to feel like I can fix things, like I can become beautiful, when I know that I can’t.

I am very smart, and people tell me I have a lot of talent. I’m an artist. I have a great personality. I’m funny. But at the end of the day, funny, smart and talented doesn’t really add up to much, it seems. One day all of my friends, everyone who tells me how great I am, will have a significant other—someone who they find to be attractive. That thought makes me curl up and cry, because every time I look in the mirror I feel that I will never be truly loved. I will be loved as an entertainer and an artist, perhaps. But no one will ever really want me.