KamaMaji

I’ve never needed very many friends and I’ve never been popular, so a few close friends to rely on and just hang with would be nice. I do have my fiance but I don’t wanna hang on him every minute of everyday. Also he’s a guy and it would be nice to have some girl friends to do girl things with.

Problem is the longer I’ve been without friends the easier it is for me to live without friends. I often find myself thinking critically of others I don’t know. I assume nobdy wants me to talk to them or vis versa. And anytime I’ve got the golden opportunity to be someone’s friend I just can’t keep up with it. I stop talking to them or contacting them probably for fear or future rejection… Not sure what to do about that…

Ive wanted to become a graphic designer only recently now—3 years or so. I’m going to the university for that now. I did start going to college emphasizing in Painting/Drawing but I figured this career is more practical… at least with a bachelor’s degree.

It’s been stressful so far; got held back a year so I’m repeating two classes. I’ve had some horrible occurances with employers and interviews and such. But I’m in to deep to turn back now.

And if anything, I do have more of an appreciation for the art of graphic design… may even want to start my own business in the future 10 years from now.

And the best part of this goal is all I have to do is go to school and do what my teachers tell me (better this year than last year so I’m not held back again). Should be easy in theory at least.

Procrastination keeps me from achieving this goal… that and jealousy and shyness too, I guess.

Here, too, is a goal I’ve had since 8th grade. Seems kinda pathetic that now at 24 I’ve made no progress… I’m so afraid of failing that I prepare and prepare but never get aroung to painting anything… And then (negatively thinking) I’m scared that even if I could get myself to paint something I thought was worthy and put it out there for the world to see or perhaps even to buy, no one would care. I guess that’s life, but it doesn’t make it any easier..

Also, this is why I specified my wish to become a successful artist. That makes this goal much more difficult; anyone can be an artist. The amount of questionable talent on the internet alone makes that obvious. And to me successful means gallery showings, income and the occasional contest win.

Now, wishfully thinking, I’d like to complete this goal before I turn 25 this summer. Before I’m no longer considered ‘young’. But I’ve made numerous empty vows for the last 5 years, so this year will probably be no different. Maybe this site will help me change my habits for the better, tho…

How in the world am I going to make this work?