KatlorD

Today I marked off that I’ve been running every other day (without cursing or complaining). By mistake I erased all my blogs on “Moving from Arcata to some place exiting”; I could cry. I had seven blogs on that subject! This is what happens when computers outsmart the person who is supposed to be controlling them. Oh well. Today I signed up for my first marathon. Here it is: http://www.trinidadtoclambeach.com/

People fly into Humboldt from all over the place to complete this marathon. I’m very excited to be a part of this.

My older brother and I are members of the same gym, so we often run beside each other on the treadmill. Until yesterday I shushed him when he told me to decrease my speed to a lower pace. By his logic, it does not matter how fast you run, it matters how long you run. I assumed that you had to run fast and for a long time, so I often failed and got tired super quickly, then went home feeling like I wasted my time. Yesterday I ran by myself and brought the wrong shoes (I was so busy hurrying out the door while I was still motivated to run, that I forgot my good jogging shoes.) So on the treadmill with my hiking boots I went up to speed 7 for two minutes then wanted to quit. There is no way I’m hanging my head in defeat after taking all this time to get to the gym, then leave after two minutes? So I took my brother’s advice and slowed down to pace 5. It worked. I could run for twenty minutes, on pace 5, and still feel like I worked my butt off. This is wonderful advice; now nothing is too hard for me. Before it was all or nothing- run fast and for 10 minutes or fail. And I get more of a benefit from slowing my pace down and running longer. My new goal is to achieve the coveted ‘runner’s high’, so I can almost say I’m through with this goal. It’s in my routine every other day, so even though I can cross it off this list, I’m still doing this for my health and happiness.

I just got back from running only a half a mile at the gym. Usually I can do twice that amount without a problem. Running, for me, is never a pleasurable task but once I’m finished I’m guilt free and happy for the next two days. I run for happiness. The past two weeks have been surreal for me because I’ve cut a year’s worth of Valium addiction out of my life. I keep telling my fiance that I’ll never be more conscious and wired in life then I am at this moment. It feels strange, like I’m waking up from a dream. The withdraws were freaky. My anxiety grew to such a point of pain that I thought about going to the emergency room and begging for a just one more month of medication. Not many drugs can make a person as unconsciously mean as Valium. Naturally I am good, because life is fragile and you attract like minded energy. Surprisingly enough I awoke from a year of numbing myself, dully my senses, and I still have a fiance, a home, a cat that looks like a panda bear, and my mind. What made me quit? Well I have wanted to quit for a while. It was coming to the conclusion that I subconsciously did not love myself, finding the root of why I took that route, eliminating that feeling, and propelling myself into a state of pure being. I feel like a super human lately. This is it, life will never get any better then what is right in front of me. Plus I’m excited about living. I credit some of the people I find on this site to inspiring me to be excited. Recently I remembered I have always wanted to hit someone in the face with a banana creme pie. That’s a goal for this site (yes, I’m weird, I have always wanted to hit someone in the face with a creme pie like the 3 Stooges did.) I’ve been through ten years of therapy and finally come to the conclusion that I must put effort into being happy. Like running every other day. I could not jog more then a half a mile because two weeks ago my body was run down from Valium and unconscious living. Now I feel like I have been reborn into life. I’m very blessed to be alive this very day.