Kissme_69

I love my best friend as more than a friend. I hate that I do, because I want to mess around with him all the time but I know that I can’t. I hate it.

He doesn’t know how painful it is for me to sit here and listen to him talk about all of these girls, or at this moment, a girl that I can’t stand because he always goes back to her. It is a jealousy thing that I really need to get over, but I cant for some odd reason.

I hate that I cant talk to the guy that I first fell in love with, the guy he hates the most in this world, but he can talk to a girl who got me in trouble about pot, and who fucking flaunts her shit, and fucking rubs in my face that she can hold his hand, and kiss him and I fucking cant.

I FUCKING HATE IT.

Arg..

I need to get over him.

Hes a waste of my love.

I still can’t seem to forgive myself. I don’t know if it is because I still make the same mistakes or if its the guy I hang out with.

Dustin always tells me that I need to stop bringing myself down so much, which is true, but really, how can I not. Any of the guys that have ever made me feel pretty, were lying to me. ‘

They make me feel worthless and thats why I do drugs, and thats why I never let anyone tell me Im an okay person. I know that Im not. I know that Im a horrible person.

I just want someone in my life who wont lie…I want someone to prove to me that there is truth out there.

Are there such things as telling the truth?

The smell of summer mornings.

=)