LacyLeigh

I certainly feel that way. Work makes me feel trapped, my relationship (which is a great relationship, mind you) makes me feel trapped, my fat ass makes me feel trapped, my laundry, my bills….everything!
This might sound horrible but..When I use to do drugs…had no job, ignored my responsibilities, didnt know where i was going to sleep or how i would eat, or if I would be safe…when i was totally irresponsible and had no plan…I felt more free and more happy than I do today as a very responsible and very sober adult. And its not the DRUGS that I want..its the freedom…from my own life..pathetic? Every day of my life I think “We were not meant to live our lives this way….we were not meant to spend the majority of our lives at work, or at the gym or in front of the season premier of LOST…we were not meant to waste away like this…” But then…what other choice do i have? I certainly cant quit my job and let my car get reposessed or get evicted from my apartment….I just need to feel free at least for a few minutes every day. I need to feel like I am LIVING my life and not sleepwalking through it like a zombie. I always think of that song “Its a bittersweet symphony thats life..trying to make ends meet, youre a slave to money then you die…” That is so true and I dont want to do that. I dont want to be a slave to anything.

advice? What makes everyone else feel free?

I have been doing pretty well, not craving a cigarette hardly ever….but I have had a couple since “quitting”. I know I have a long way to go, but when can i begin to consider that I have succeeded?? A month? A Year? I am feeling so good about it this time around…i am more able to control my thoughts and cravings than I have ever been before….I come here and read encouragement from you guys here to help me through..

thanks guys

Since I have even LOOKED at these goals…but about a week or 2 ago I came down with the flu and had a sore throat…so for the week I was sick, I didnt smoke. I figured if I could go a week, then why not longer? I have smoked one or two cigarettes since getting over the flu, but all in all I have done really well, and I have honestly not even thought much about smoking….Lets hope I can keep going and I dont fall off the wagon again.