Lesyeuxouverts

15. ... and winning !
14. Playing Mario Kart
13. Running
12. Brushing my hair

Booked my New Patient’s Appointment ! Hopefully will be able to tick this off on Feb 4th.

I went to my CBT. And I didn’t take the road test. I got tired, and stressed, and though I learnt huge amounts, at the end of the day I just didn’t feel ready. I fell off 3 times, not hurting myself at all, but denting my confidence enough that I didn’t feel happy going out with the rest of the traffic. I’ve booked myself straight back in and I’ll take it next time, but yeah, I want more practise.

I felt stupid. So incredibly stupid. And it’s taken a lot of talking to myself to convince myself that I didn’t fail. That I learnt about a hundred times more than anyone else there, from never having driven anything at all to being moderately okay on a motorbike. But yeah, felt like such an idiot. Still do, but thank God for the blunting effect of time …

I ran ! For about half an hour, with some walking, but yay, finally got out there and did it and didn’t die, though I felt ridiculous.
Now to do it again .. and again … and again.
And holy crap, Daniel is so much fitter than me ! Considering he sits at his own computer all day, and I have to make my way to work before sitting at a computer all day …

Saturday 17th … Part of me is shit-scared, and part of me is going WHEEEEEEE ….

Bought some small ones from Ikea … I’ll see if they fit and then get more if they do. On my way to organisation at last !

Just bought an external hard drive to transfer all my CDs to, and then I’ll get rid of most of the actual disks by giving them to charity.

I now have to keep a migraine diary for 3 months. So … Have to make some notes there.

I can’t give blood in France because I spent more than a year in the UK over the past 10 years. And I can’t give blood in the UK, because I get migraines and because I’m waiting on the results of a check-up smear test. And that’s not even getting into the rage “have sex in the past 12 months with a man who has ever has oral or anal sex with another man” puts me into. Does that fact that have oral and anal sex myself make it any better ?!
So yeah. I give up.
For the next 3 months while I keep a migraine diary anyway.

If I can wear a skirt 2 days a week, or work one into an outfit once a week, for a month, I’ll consider this achieved.

My boyfriend gave me a vouher. I have my provisional licence, now all I have to do is book a date !

11. Watching Dan open his Christmas present and knowing I’d got it right. I know I said no Dan entries but this just made me so so happy it deserves it’s own post.

Just had an argument, a proper argument with Dan, for the first time. I know the headaches and the bad stomach have been making me cranky, but first I lose it spectacularly on Saturday, and again today ?! Urgh. Didn’t so much lose it today as just argue, which is kind of scary and even more shocking, that such a level of incomprehension had built up. And now I don’t know how to breach it. I get all haughty and do stuff and pretend it’s okay, and then sulk because he doesn’t take the first step to heal the rift … And because I get all uptight it just gets worse without him even knowing it. I feel stupid talking it out because I’m the one doing all the talking, and I get cross because I’ll say something important to me and he won’t respond, or at least not straight away and usually not head-on, which makes me feel very insecure. I like my important emotional stuff to be given a full discussion when it comes up (I do try and keep it to concentrated moments so I don’t get too attention-whorish) otherwise I feel like I’m not been taken seriously, which in turn deteriorates into me feeling like I’m exaggerating and feeling incredibly stupid. It’s a bad bad spiral.

I’d better go and talk to him instead of posting here. But yeah, back to day 1. This shouldn’t be this difficult

Done : Mum, Dad, Sisters 1, 2 and 3, Boyfriend, Work Secret Santa.

Left : Cousin (plotted), Boyfriend extras (plotted), Stocking fillers (plotted)

YAY !

10. Tea.
9. Being right. Not in a “crushing others with my wisdom” way, more in a “vindication is sweet as golden syrup” way.

As of today, 11 December 2008, 16:14, my bum measures 105cm round. That’s a massive 41 inches …

8. Star Wars novels, even the bad and trashy ones.
7. Singing at the top of my lungs
6. My family rendering me helpless with laughter.
5. Compliments from Daniel. Making Daniel laugh. Being with Daniel. Daniel in general. But I won’t cheat and make this several entries, though I’m sure I could find 100 things with him that make me happy.

I love my family, but I’ve moved away from home … I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own, to recreate the warm, close, loving atmosphere I grew up in. I want a home I can’t wait to come back to, someone I love and children. I want to be a great mother and an amazing wife. I know this won’t happen in the immediate future, but I’m busy paving the way, learning to enjoy what I already have.

Hurrah, I bought one of the time limited prints on Saturday ! http://www.audrey-kawasaki.com/sale/index.php?p=18
One day I’ll manage to get one of her limited edition prints, and one day I’ll have enough money to buy an original. Until then I’ll enjoy my print !

This goal used to be “keep a diary consistently”, but “documenting my life” is closer to what I want to do. I keep my diaries and souvenirs and bits of paper like some kind of memory magpie. I want to take more pictures and make more entries in my LJ and paper diaries. But I also want to centralise and compilate them into an form that’s easy to peruse. My life is good and I want to be able to remember it for a long, long time.