is alive.

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Go gnoming

I rescue gnomes from their lackluster lives as lawn ornaments in your perfect rose garden. Look out.

Get more YouTube subscribers.


And yes, I’m aware that I’m now a subscription whore. Do as you please.

Get a tattoo
Get a Tattoo

I’m planning to get a skull and crossbones, with a snake slithering through the skull’s eye socket. I’m getting it really small though. So small, you’d have to have a magnifying glass to look at it. Okay, so I’m getting tattoo of a dot. You caught me. I just think it would be funny to be able to say I’ve got “ink” and then whip out what looks to be a pen mark when someone asks to see it. It’ll be a gag at job interviews, I’m sure.

Film everything.
Film Everything.

I keep my camera in my pocket no matter where I go, because you never know when inspiration will strike. That, and maybe somebody will get mugged or something. Here’s hoping.

get my black belt
I bought a black belt.

To hold up my pants. I can’t do karate for shit, though.

make a documentary film
Making a Documentary

I’d like to make a documentary about gnoming. It’s liberating. It’s an art. It’s a lifestyle.

get over my stage fright
Stage Fright

No, I mean literally…I’m afraid of stages.

Make People Understand A.D.D.
...What was I saying?

72% of the time, people just think I’m high.

Leave a legacy
Leave a Legacy

My recipe for macadamia nut pancakes will go down in history.

travel the world
Travel the World...

In a hot air balloon.

Eat Sushi from a Sushi Bar

It’s my favorite.

go to Hollywood

Everybody comes to Hollywood, they want to make it in the neighborhood.

live in a log cabin

In Colorado, heck yes.

Watch "The Wizard of Oz" at the same time as listening to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon"

There are way more parts that don’t match up than the few that actually do.

sleep for a week

Good times.

go on a road trip with my friends

Let’s do it

fix a fan

I broke it

turn 18
What I did when I turned 18....


I went to the local 7/11 and bought one of everything you had to be 18 to buy. This included a Maxim magazine, a lighter, a lotto ticket, and a cigar.

play the sax

It’s the sexiest instrument in the world. Jazz FTW.

Own A Drive In Movie Theater

More and more are torn down every year. They’re losing their appeal, but I think they could make a big comeback. The drive-in is my favorite place to be.

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