LillyD

natural peanut butter, banana and honey on a whole wheat pita
an odwalla blueberry B monster drink, = 2 servings
a spinach salad with romaine, asparagus, brocolli, cherry tomatoes and olives with a tomato balsamic vinagrette

breakfast: oatmeal with water, blueberries and almonds with honey

snack: 1 apple

lunch: a smoothie with 1 cup soy milk, 1 banana, 2 oranges, blueberries, and a scoop of fruits powder

grazing: 4 girl scout cookies, and a quarter bag of tortilla chips. obviously I got a little depressed by the middle of the day.

This is so hard for me and my husband thinks it should be so easy. So I just smoke when he’s not home, which is during the day, which makes my energy plummet and the tendency to procrastinate rise. I hate this feeling. Why can’t I remember how this feels whenever I think it’s a good idea to smoke?
My damn boss and everyone at work smokes, together sometimes, after work. i just feel left out when I think of how much fun they’re having after I go home. I want to be rid of this. I want my energy back. I definitely do not want to do things behind my husband’s back. I want to hang out with people and not wonder when we will start smoking. i just can’t relax and enjoy myself socially almost period. I wish I could go out and not drink and not smoke and not be tired and just be enjoying people’s company and the atmosphere. That’s almost too perfect.
So frustrated….