Livyru

• I remember my sister today, whom I consider to be a saint. She gave up chemotherapy so that she could be strong enough to finish an important project that would save lives. By the time she finished the project, the chemotherapy was too late and she was too weak. I miss her.

• Being challenged to be a better person. My friend K reminded me of a way of thinking that I engage in that is not too healthy. I’m blessed to have a friend strong enough to challenge me on these things in order for my growth.

• Having a friend to the end. My friend A visited me last night and apologized for not being around for my daily needs. But assured me that when my times comes to Go Home, she is not afraid, and will be with me until the End if I would like her to be. It is comforting to know that I will have a friend with me.

• Just about the time I was diagnosed, a gal from church, with whom I was Great friends with, got all weird on me. Totally ignored me, except in church, where she was sweet as pie. I reached out to her this past year, very purposefully, and felt tossed away like a used tissue. We were “geographically suited,” so to speak. It has all kept me from going back to church. But now, I stake my claim. I’m returning to church on Sunday (good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise). I belong there until I, not she, feel it’s time for me to leave. Now that I am no longer on chemo, I may be able to manage my energy enough to get to church (we have only 1 service).

• It has now been one month since my best friend from childhood heard that chemo and radiation are no longer working for me. I am no longer crying about it. I’ve simply decided not to let her use up any more time than I am willing to sacrifice for an unsupportive friendship.

• I had a pretty decent dinner tonight without feeling nauseous. And did not wake up nauseous this morning.

• Went to a movie alone yesterday and enjoyed it. Didn’t feel sad because I was alone.

• Heard that most of my beads are already sold at Smith Farm!

• Going to go make an N/A magarita, pay bills, and thank God I am able to pay them this month.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZCxQ7xmrmI&feature=related

There really is something holy about starting up a brand new day. To look at someone as if there were no past to forgive, to see her right in the moment for the gift she is, without the backpack of injuries I tend to carry around. The backpack gets heavy. To continually think like this definitely contributes to my quality of life. I must only discipline my mind to think this way.