LolaGetz

In fact, it may have been over a year. And it should be noted that I did not install it myself, nor did Jeff, but rather, we paid a skilled yet terrifying gentleman to do it for us. Still, quite worth the effort—the kitchen looks lovelier than ever.

Cherish these tits while you have them. Everything else will work out.

No but seriously! The path you’re on will lead you to some healthy lessons learned. I might suggest that you stop working for family sooner rather than later, and that you travel more while your parents will pay for it. You’re going to make some terrible mistakes, but know that you can overcome your basic nature. Your self-destructive tendencies will mostly fade, and the tiny bits that don’t will be easier to ignore. You’re gorgeous and you know it, and you wield your body like a weapon. Get it out of your system now.

Start contributing to your 401k. Also stop listening to so much terrible music—you’re going to be really embarassed by that Backstreet Boys CD in like…six months, let’s not even talk about it now.

When you meet a man who finds you charming and is willing to try tuna tartare even though he’s quietly gagging, a man who looks at you like he’s found peace and introduces you to Wilco and makes you feel like you don’t need to iron all your sheets to get a good night’s sleep, just go with it. Don’t feel like you’re settling too soon, that you’re losing out on something else. You’ll love him more than breathing and that never stops—but you’ll save yourself a lot of angst and hand-wringing and therapy bills if you just go with it. You will stabilize, stop having panic attacks, become a better person from having met him. It’s okay.

Never break his heart.

Drink less. Sleep less. Run more before your knee gives out. Learn to knit sooner. Learn to lie less. Keep wearing sunscreen. Never get another credit card. Demand what you’re worth. Teach yourself to accept a certain amount of risk. Don’t backtrack when you’re wrong, just acknowledge it and move on. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses. Wear underwear more often, because one of these days a gust of wind will teach you a lesson. Never settle for an ill-fitting pair of shoes. On the topic of shoes, never own more than 40 pairs of them, you look like a lunatic when there are 97 mismatched shoes lying around unworn, unloved.

Make female friends sooner. You can trust the right women to be your support network, to be worth the investment. They won’t all be winners-some will break your heart, some will disappear and stop returning your calls-but you’ll know the ones that you’ll never let go.

You work well from lists, so print this one out, carry it close to your heart, refer back to it when you are sliding backwards. Everything else will work out.

...or the growth of uncontained bamboo! So we hired the Bamboo Guru, who was fantastic. Susan and her crew ripped up the entire back yard and removed the bamboo rhizomes that were spreading across the entire yard in a network of spiny awfulness. A new root barrier was installed, and the following week, we had a new fence installed as well! Now we just need to turn the fresh dirt of the yard into something attractive and low-maintenance. I’m thinking…concrete. 400 square feet of concrete.