Lollygag

I finished my Master’s degree in April and did part-time work from May-August while I looked for a ‘real’ job. Since graduating, I’ve applied for over 30 jobs. At first, I got quite a few calls and was pretty optimistic about landing a job I liked. Lately, though, even an acknowledgement that the organization received my application has been rare. I’m beginning to feel like an aura of desperation and failure has attached itself to me that prospective employers can somehow sense. Quite depressing, but there’s nothing for it but to keep on searching. Anyway, I feel for all the job-seekers here and wish you the best of luck.

I had wanted a dog ever since I could remember. I came really close when I was about 11. A friend’s dog had puppies and my parents let me and my brother go and pick one out. Then my mom changed her mind. Over 15 years later and I can still remember the heartbreak. When I was in college, I was able to get a pet—a cat that I still have and love dearly. It wasn’t the same, though. After I graduated, I finally got a dog from a rescue group in a neighboring state. She’s a French Bulldog with quite a few health issues, but the sweetest disposition. It’s been a lot of work and crazy expensive at times, but definitely worth it. I’m proof that it’s possible to live in an apartment, work full time, and have a perfectly contented dog.

This sounds lame and I considered deleting it when I saw that I was the only one with this goal, but what would be the point of hiding it? Anyway, the problem goes along with my depression. I try to distract myself from thinking too much because it leads to regret, regret leads to self-loathing, and self-loathing leads to the dark side, or something like that. I’m hoping that watching less tv is the first step in achieving this goal.