I’m on my way to a bar at 9 p.m. to see a friend play an instrument he invented. The play an instrument that he invented part sounds cool and appeals to my geeky side. The staying up past my bedtime to sit in a dark and deafingly loud room for an indefinite amount of time (and pay good money for the privilege) not to mention walking a mile and a half in the dark to get there and then go back home again at who knows what hour have me really nervious. I wonder why can’t I just say, “cool, I’m going to get to see this crazy thing get played and support a friend,” instead of “Damn, I’m up past my bedtime, walking in dangerious neighborhoods and spending money I probably don’t have to sit in an uncomfortable chair all night when I would rather be taking a bath.” I don’t know. My goal is to take the first tone, not the second. We’ll see.
LoneBlueWolf's Life List
I don’t beleive I’ll ever be wealthy or popular, and I hope not famous, and I doubt very successful. But I’m such a scatter-brain. It would be nice to have a home
- not a house, a home - where I am comfortable. And the frame of mind to enjoy it. I am thinking of a mind frame that would allow me to sit comfortably in a chair without worrying about the dishes or if I need to pee, or if I have worked hard enough to enjoy sitting in the chair, or worrying about getting out of the chair. I would like to have enough material comforts to feel, well, comfortable. I’m thinking of having my walls painted green, a source of books at my finger tips, and a bathroom with good smelling bath salts, without worrying about, oh, how will I pay for all this, and how was this perfume generated? I would like to afford a massage and a pedicure once a month (each) and live within my income. In order to do that, I’d have to be 1) not a chronic worries, 2) richer than I am now, 3) much less messy, and 4)oh, heck I don’t even know what else! Live in the moment is maybe what I’m looking for. A personable cat to jump on my lap and purr while I read some book on ancient history, and a lover I trust but don’t have to live with. Now, that is quite a lot to ask, isn’t it?
The basics of being healthy I have down: exsersize, diet, sleep, avoiding stress and a fab BMI. The things out of my control are the ones involving $$$. My OB claims I HAVE TO have these injections insurance won’t pay for, at almost $700.00 a pop, every month for a year! The dentist, of course, is appalled I don’t come in for cleanings twice a year and when I DO go into the dentist, each dentist ever has wanted to drill all my fillings out and replace them! I’ve had them replaced about 4 times, but have never gotten more than a gobley-gook technical sounding response if I don’t. It all sounds scary, but how do you really know? I need glasses because I can’t see otherwise, I got them. Then a vaginal infection puts me in the ER, follwed by a UTI a week later, followed be something even more embarrasing the week after that! The regular doc says my blood pressure is too high, I should take (hideiously expensive drug that OF COURSE insurance won’t pay for). When you’re doubled over and screaming in pain, somehow an herbal remedy from wal-mart doesn’t cut it. I figure everything’s regulated to the point an herb that I can buy won’t help anyway, and there’s no “alternative” to getting glasses or teeth cleaned that I know of. So I’ve taken the tack of paying for what I can and not worrying about what I can’t. But it it frusterating to say the least. In the mean time, I’m growing older, so I assume things will only get worse. Maybe this goal is really a “money” goal, as in, I should be working harder to get enough money to pay for everything!