LongingforLove

I am constantly caught up in the whirlwind of romance. Always hoping this is the one time, this is the one place, this is the one outfit that will make it happen, etc. And so far, that strategy has been dismally unsuccessful for me. And I’m going to be honest with you, I’m quite a catch! I have a lot to offer in a relationship. But then again, maybe that’s why I’m still alone, I’m intimidating. In any event, I had a long talk with my father today and he reminded me a something from my childhood. When I was younger I had an obsession with butterflies. So for a vacation one summer my dad took me to a butterfly exhibit in Canada. And all I wanted was for a butterfly to land on me. I was so desperate to have a butterfly land on me, literally to the point where I was chasing these butterflies. However, it wasn’t until I gave up and sat still that a butterfly finally landed on me. The moral to the story is this, stop chasing the wind. You will scare everyone away trying to grab onto things that are not yours. Love is equally as delicate as a butterfly and all you can do is sit back and wait for it to land on you.

Maybe I was never really In Love with you
Maybe I was just looking for someone to fall for
And you happened to be that closest someone
Maybe you were just convenient

Maybe I was just bored with the state of my life
Maybe I had too much time on my hands
And developing a crush on you was just something to do
Maybe you just consumed my time and made my life less dull

Maybe you were just a boy to talk about
Maybe liking you confirmed my womanhood
And maybe I just wanted to feel wanted for once
Maybe I was just looking for you to fill a void

Perhaps I never really like you at all
Perhaps it was all a masquerade
And I was just using you in some sick and twisted way to find security in myself
Perhaps I never really wanted you, I just wanted to be happy

Perhaps love is not the answer
Perhaps it is something you have to find inside yourself
And it is not the love of humans that we strive for
Perhaps the only love that contends desperation and insecurity is the love from above

I had another dream about you last night
You were there but you weren’t mine
Not far from the truth
I promised myself I would never be this kind of girl
I would never let a man dictate my life
Perhaps what is worse is that you have no idea how I feel
And the thing that annoys me is that I will never have the guts to tell you
So while you continue on with life-
And while I am invisible to you
You mean the world to me

Each night I fall asleep realizing that you were in my lasts thoughts
And when I wake up you were among my first
And even in my dreams you encompass my attention
I can’t escape you!
And it’s driving me crazy!
And its so frustrating to think that I never even entered your mind
You can get along just fine without me
While I am here bombarded with all you are-
Dominating my thoughts day in and day out

When will I be over you?