Loralye34

i try and try and try but nothing works. in my other entry about this it talks about my problems with a friend. well were alright now. when we made up i had to promise her i’d try to be happy. and i really did. its kinda wearing off now i guess. i can be happy for a period of time but its a short period.
ever since i was about maybe 11 or so i have had thoughts of suicide. i never go through with it because i wonder how i will turn out when im an adult, will i go to college? have kids? get married? see my grand kids? im not happy now but i wonder if i will be later, so i dont want to commit suicide.
i have only told like 1 person. i promised her i wouldnt do it and why.
today i was thinking about this and well, it scares the shit out of me. i thought about if one day i have had enough and i just do it and not think about what im doing. what if i actually try?? i have been stressing a lot lately and what if one day i just dont think? i have thought about talking to my mom about it and maybe going to therapy. i dont think she would take me seriously. some people do say i act depressed but its not like im freakin gothic and all i talk about is death.
i dont know what to do. i could talk to my best friend but this would scare her and she would definitly tell her mom or my mom or somebody

My best friend (or ex best friend) doesnt like hanging out with me anymore. she wont call me or anything and this has been going on for a while. she says ive changed. she says im not fun anymore and she seriously thinks im depressed. alot of other people think this too but i dont see any difference, im the same as ive always been. i have always had issues.

maybe i should give up trying to get over him. But likeing him doesnt make me feel any better