Christelle Dumont

Hello everyone. It’s been so long since I’ve posted anything. But things are great here. I don’t talk to him anymore, and I don’t even think about him. I’m very busy with school as well as the stories I’m writing. Yes I am writing. lol. It gives me the energy to wake up in the morning. I’ve written quite a lot during the summer holidays, but now that I’m back at school, I have not given up. I’m still writing stories. Fanfiction actually. I get more support I dared to dream of. I write fanfiction about twilight. It’s the most amazing book I’ve ever read and I have to admit I’m addicted. It gives me hope, though. Hope to do everytime right. if you want to read my stories, or if you want to know a place when you can post YOUR stories, contact me. I’ll be glad to help, because everything is great here and I’m happy. Thank you all for your encouragement!

I’m going crazy. I can’t stop thinking about him. It all started at school, on Friday. It was during a boring class, and I began writing his name on my desk. And suddenly, I remembered all he used to tell me. Everything he used to tell me that really entered right in my heart. Everything that had touched me. I remembered the way he used to say hi, the way he used to ask if I was busy or if I could talk to him, the way that he used to tell me he loved me. Even the way we used to fight. And I feel so depressed! I miss him. I miss him so much! I just love his way of talking so much! Life keeps going on and HE keeps going on. I bet he doesn’t even look back. I bet he just think about me as a fly on the wall. A girl who just passed by. But sometimes I have the feeling that he, too, is trying hard to forget me. That he does all he does, like having other girlfriends, and saying I love you to them, just to bury his feelings, and the fact that he’s missing me. But I have to be dreaming. It cannot be the case. If he doesn’t love me and if I don’t want him to, then why am I still thinking about this?

I have his password on tagged and I have been going in and out, in and out, just to know what he’s been up to. Just to know to how many girls he talks to, to how many of them he says I love you. There are many of them. He’s just a playboy anyway. I knew it from the beginning. But I didn’t take that into consideration. I wanted him, I had him. But now I have to forget him. It’s just that the urge to talk to him is so strong, I can hardly think about anything else. I’m so overwhelmed by him. By the memories. And I’m stuck behind. I have some views on other guys, as well. Who hasn’t? But it’s just views, right? It isn’t going anywhere. And I like it that way. I like the hesitant look. The longing, the smiles. Well everything that starts a relationship.

Well, coming back to THE guy, I still have feelings for him. But I’ll be over it in the next weeks or so, I guess. If I go talk to him, he’ll be cold, either he will tell me he is busy and has to go, or he will remind me that it was my choice the idea of breaking up. So what’s the use?

This week has passed so well I can hardly believe it! It feels so good to realize that I can move on without him, after all. It’s been a very busy week and I’ve done a lot, not only in my studies, but in my life. Yesterday was a public holiday, but I didn’t even think of going on the internet to talk to him. I think I’m on a very good path. I’m in such a good mood today, and it feels so good! I’ve been listening to music for hours. Not sad songs, but good and happy songs. Even the sad songs on the radio do not sound desperate or depressive today. Am I a bit over-excited? Don’t know. Perhaps. But it doesn’t matter ‘cause I like it. I like everything about my new life. But then the weekend is back and I’m praying so hard to pass through it without looking or worse, going back. But I’ll succeed. I’m positive. 100%. Not a single regret, not a single tear. In fact I think writing these entries about how I feel helps a great deal. Letting it all inside NEVER helps. This experience has helped me grow up a lot. And I’m so grateful.