Love_myself

Well let me see here. I have been depressed for at least 25 years. I’m only 28. I really don’t know how I have made it as far as I have. My childhood was not good. The only good thing was my High School friends and well everyone there. Know one knew anything about my home life and my dark feelings about myself. In fact everyone told me I was the pretty funny girl that everyone liked. That is why I try to hold on to my friends even if they really don’t know the real me. I know that is wrong. I just had a childhood friend take his life. And he was like me on the outside. But really dark on the inside. I don’t understand why God took him away from his darkness and I have tried a lot of time for God to take me but I am still here. I’m jelous. I want to be done with this pain.
I have tried everything. I started with talking with a doctor and taking meds. It was really hard to find the right ones that worked a lil. But now feeling they are not as well good as before. And I hate changing meds because it makes me really out of it. I have also been in the hospital and a group home to try to help me. I took a class called WRAP…. which at the time helped. But I feel so scared to go back and look at my notes. I’m scared I will lose everything if I tell anyone how I’m feeling. I have a husband that is to good for me. I don’t deserve such a great man in my life. I feel a lot of the time if I would just die he could have a better life. Everyone could. I don’t know what I’m doing here. But all I know is that I really need to talk to my peers on this one. Someone who feels the same or I will end up like my friend who now rest in peace. That is all I want is peace.