Lucyboboosy

Sometimes I wonder if I like being depressed. Of course, like everyone else, I have relatively good days and bad days, and on the days that are particularly bad I’m absolutely miserable. On those days, I can’t stand myself and I just want to escape what I have become and what’s become of my life.

However, I also tend to use my depression as a crutch. I’ve never gotten out of an exam for it, but I occasionally take a half-day at work because I just can’t get myself going. I think this time off will be good for me, and then I end up moping around my apartment, trying to watch day-time talk shows and not really being interested in any of it.

What can I do? How can I kick myself in the behind and tell myself “GET HAPPY, STUPID” ? I know that this condition is slowly eating me, and I know that my own circular thoughts is aggravating it. I know I can overcome this and without drugs at that. I just sometimes don’t know if I want to stop the momentum of this downward spiral of negative thoughts. These thoughts are what I’m comfortable with, and I’d rather have a wet blanket than no blanket at all.

Funny how as soon as the scale is put away, it comes time for parties and potlucks and halloween candy. I’m fairly certain I could have lost weight in the past few weeks if I didn’t eat junk food nearly every day.
I went grocery shopping and “splurged” on $40 of healthy, good, REAL food so I don’t have to eat spaghettini or meatloaf every day. My roommate says you can’t put a bill on health, so I’m going to invest in vegetables this winter.
Stats: 120 lbs, 34/26.5/36
I’ve decided to reach my goal by Christmas: 8 lbs to lose in 7.5 weeks. This should be feasable enough.

I’ve been at a plateau for the past two weeks. I hover around 120-122 these days. On the other hand, it was just (Canadian) Thanksgiving last weekend, and I also ate a lot this past week due to having my period.
I was counting calories for about two weeks and then I realized that’s no way to live. If I have to obsess over everything I put in my mouth for the rest of my life, I will be so miserable. I forced myself to stop counting and just go by how I feel… I can generally tell if I’ve eaten too much or not enough.
I figure losing 13 out of 20 pounds is still an impressive number and if my body truly resists losing any more then I will respect that. Also, I found out that I’ve grown in the past few years (which is weird because I thought I was done growing in highschool and I’m now in grad school) and I’m an inch taller, which puts my BMI about half a point lower.
Measurements: 34/26.5/36
Odd. I’m pretty much at the goal measurements but not the weight. Maybe I have more muscle mass since I’m doing much more walking and lifting than I ever did as a teenager.
I’m putting away the scale for the next few weeks and will see how I feel based just on my silhouette.