1. Went to a therapist
2. Considered pharmaceuticals
3. joined a gym
4. started eating a little better
5. I am less depressed but feel like I still need some kind of direction. I am okay with my career and I feel “in the moment” when I am there, but I still feel like something is missing. What is it? I don’t want to live and die and wonder what it was all for. I want to feel like I am truly in sync and in touch with life. Maybe it’s my hormones? I don’t know but I miss life. I want passion again.
Jul 05, 07:51PM PDT | 0 comments
will suck the life out of a person. And so will working at a 9-5 you don’t really love. It’s important to work and I do think it’s good for the soul, but I also know that my 9-5 is not my life’s work. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy it sometimes and I dedicate much of my life to what I do during the day. But at the end of the day there is this whisper in my head that tells me I coulda, shoulda, woulda pursued my art if I wasn’t so afraid. It’s silly but I feel that I’m too old to start all over again. I teach and that is that. But I also think that if I don’t at least try to develop my art, then I will never know.
People tell me all the time that I can do both. But really I want to become more skilled and prolific is all. I feel I am mediocre at everything I do. Lately it’s been getting to me. I want to be passionate about something, anything, everything. This “boredom” or depression or whatever it is I’m experiencing is really getting to me.
Jul 05, 07:44PM PDT | 1 comment
a lot of alcohol is not a good way to be healthy. My skin is starting to show it. My health fanaticism comes in cycles. When I’m bored and have lots of time on my hands, I get back into this obsession with having good skin and a toned body. Too much time on my hands. In any case, it’s a good thing I guess. Since it’s summer, it’s easier for me to whip up healthy meals like capreses, salads, and the like. Let’s see how long this will last though. Sometimes living healthy feels like torture though. You know it’s bad for you but it just tastes so good…
Jul 05, 07:36PM PDT | 0 comments
I'm doing 41 things
