This Charming Man

My granny used to say ’ never regret the things that made you smile!’
I dont.

BUT that is why I regret to push the ‘i give up’ button!
There’s no point being someones option when you make them a priority. It’s just not fair, and in the long run, it’ll be better for us both.

The past few weeks have been really hard. I have had minimal contact with Jane. Texts. Not even spoke to her or seen her. And the messages have been cold and left me feeling really really down.
Today’s the day to hit the button.
Ive cried all the tears I can spare now and am sick of feeling worthless and unwanted. Its time to remove it off my list and out of my mind. The day I put the goal up I knew it would stare me in the face every day I logged into 43T, and maybe that is not going to help things.
Its time to dust of the cobwebs and pick myself up again.
It’s going to be hard but it’s the only option left I feel.
It’s the only things left I can do!
It’s the last thing I want to do, but giving up is the only way forward at this moment in time I think.
I tired of being sad and I want to be happy again.
If you love something, set it free.

She is set free.

But fuck it’s painful!

I could do with a hug right now :-(

Me and my brothers went on a trip this weekend to Ireland to see our family. Basically it was a good excuse to get away from here for a weekend and have a few nice pints of guinness. Even though we were pushed for time and had lots of people to see, we managed to see both of my uncles and their families. I was dissapointed to see that my auntie was out when we called at her house, but she will get the word that we called. I’m pleased all of my brothers were there to share the experience because it was normally me on my own doing all the visiting. The next step is to get my mum and dad to visit them and make bygones bygones!

Manchester UK

Cool

to press the give up button on this.
I don’t want to.
But it has to be done.
It’s my birthday soon so I will wait until after that.
She owes me one after what I did for her birthday!

For making the right decision and backing Obama.

I was fully behind him and am really happy that times are changing!
Still can’t cross this off my list but I’m nearly there!

So we met tues night.
and we talked.about everything. everything came out and it put us both straight. all cards were put on the table.
but it never got nasty or malicious.
if fact, it felt kind of relieving to be saying all the things I tried so hard to keep inside.
it was a little emotional for us both.
Anyway, we ended with a hug and she said that it was a big deal for her to be letting me back into her life again after so did so well to get over me, not to sound bigheaded! I gave her a lovely bunch of flowers that I had in my car, and we left it there. she said to leave her to text and ring me in her own time instead of me always initiating it.
the next day she text me. then after work she rang me.
I was so happy.
this will be a slow process but I have to show her she can trust me again.
I understand nothing will happen just yet, but friendship is a good place to start and I’m happy to be here rather than nowhere!
So, i’m giving her more time and space, and let her contact me in her own time. I told her I’d take her out for a nice meal and night out somehwere fun whenever she wanted, and that all she had to do was call.
She said it could happen.
We’ll leave it there for the time being.
meanwhile, I have stopped crying, work isn’t as bad as it was, and life generally has become less of a struggle.
I got some answers.
and got things off my chest.
It’s a start. and where else best to start? than at the start!

Thanks alot to juliemae for my 2000th cheer for the goal ‘make the best out of my 20s.’

Hopefully I will.
But I’m afraid this all relies on my other goal ‘win her back’.
pathetic I know but I feel i’ll ber half a person if she flies away from me.

Thanks though Yahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
x

Belated birthday, but a happy one all the same!

I’m tired of feeling like this.
Hurting
All day ,ong, every day.
Dragging my feet around after me.
Feeling lonely, unwanted, unloved and meaningless.
It’s a typical cliche but I give everything I own to turn back the clocks just a short time.
How can a love so strong, dissapear?
How can someone who means the world to you, then become nothing more than a stranger.
My faith is passing away just like the days.
I dreading pressing the ‘give up’ button on this goal, and then adding the ‘get over a broken heart’ goal.
Please God, rescue me for I am crushed in spirit.

- I saw my mum’s cousin stood at the bustop this morning as i was passing in the car. I could tell it was going to start raining. She passed by so I got out of the car and cased her down the street. She was going to the cemetary. So I gave her a lift and went to visit J’s grave with her. We talked and she cried and I hugged her. She is his mother. She thanked me for the new vase and flowers I bought and left on his grave. It wasn’t a problem for me.
- I went to visit my uncle as I normally do weekly. I’m fixing his dodgy phone line connection.
- I comforted my mum when my younger brother acted like a complete arse and went out partying witout telling us where he went.
- Speaking to my eldest brother on the phone, wishing him a very happy birthday.

Not a bad family orientated day.

A best mate had some terrible news today. K, like myself is going through girl troubles and is in as much of a mess as I am. So it’s nice to talk and help each other out.
However, one of his friends from university who I met once before had some awful news.
He had been going out with a girl off and on for the past 6 years. They had worked out and overcame their troubles and were finally talking about getting back together. They couldn’t have been happier to find each other again.
However last week, whilst she was on holiday abroad in Greece with her friends, she unfortunately got hit by an idiot on a quad bike, and she didn’t make it through and passed away.
When my friend K told me about this, I sat on his sofa, and tears rolled down my face. I’d never met her before and only met him once.

It made me think what if that happened to J. I’d wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
And he though about what he’d do if he lost his ex girlfriend. I encouraged him to fight for her too.
Luckily, she is a friend of mine too and I can help him out, whereas he doesn;t really know J, so I fighting this battle on my own!
That is why, even though this goal is very hard work, taking it’s toll physically and mentally, heartbreaking and painful, I will persist.

REGRETS ARE THINGS WE HAVN’T DONE YET!

And I not prepared to live my life regretting anything anymore.
Even if all my efforts don’t pay off, I know full well, I’ll be devestated, but at least I won’t be sat wondering what could have been, and ‘if only I fought for her’.

Yesterday only confirmed what I already knew. I need her in my life as more than a friend.
But as my partner.

Yesterday was Monday which usually means back to work…
I don’t like Mondays.
I’ve never had a good monday in my life.
We don’t get much of a summer here but on Sunday the sun was scorching and was a beautiful day. I would bet it was hotter thank most holiday destinations. We’re not used to this, so me and my friends took advantage, piled into my car and went to the water park. It was a great day. laughing and joking.
Then waking on Monday morning only to see the sun cracking the stones was very depressing. The fact I’d have to go to work in this glorious day.
I got on the phone first thing.
I never made it into work yesterday.
Neither did my 3 friends.
We jumped in the car early sand went to Blackpool for the day.
messed about on the beach. had a hotdog. went to the pleasure beach and theme park. Had a few drinks out in a beer garden and finished off with traditional fish and chips and an ice cream.
Bloomin’ marvellous!
My best monday ever.
I’d better go to work tomorrow….

If it’s not sunny.

My 2000th cheer went to the wonderful newvanessa’s entry on Be happy by myself.
She is a belter!

I only went as a favour for a friend. Our other mate chickened out last minute and so I went along with him instead. I was only looking to have a laugh, which I did. I thought it would have been full or geeks or weirdos, but that wasn’t the case. Lots of teachers/accountants/lawyer types. Girls with a similar sense of having fun, socialising and meeting new people. We even went to a club after it with a load of them. Would definately do it again if it came around.
Went looking for new friends and found them.

121. Be COOLER than ever now. Back off. Leave her time and space to think. Ho matter how hard it is not to have any contact. STAY COOL!
122. Be the coolest fella tonight at this speed dating shenanigans. Although I’m only going for a laugh and the bale a friend out of the lurch at the last min, be COOL. But not an arrogant prick. Some cool dudes can come across like that. You not you, homeboy!
You are street!
Like Seasame Street!
and Coronation Street!
123. Never wear flipflops. Footwear of the devil.
124. Don’t think twice, it’s alright. Follow my insticts. They are ALWAYS right. Never regret not doing or saying anything in THAT moment. Carpe Diem.
125. The answer my friend, Is blowing in the wind.
126. No woman, no cry!
127. I’m waiting on a sunny day, and counting on a miracle. But remember it could happen.

Out of the blue.
Saying she’s not stopped crying after since yesterday.
I think it was to do with the stuff I gave her.
She the same yesterday.
I don’t if this is good or bad.
But I’m keeping my distance.

She is my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY!

from Oz about me. It came today in the post. To cheer me up. And it did.
Definatley worth it! Lots of big words in it though….like ‘licentious’.
Will have to check these out….
Haha!

Crap.
Only did it because I was at my friends house who had soe and I was young and curious.
Felt likle an idiot.
Much prefer a few pints of Guinness

Ok, so we finally met for lunch today.
It was cheerful and chatty like last time.
And then we talked seriously about us on the way back to the cars.
I made my case.
And she listened.
I knew she wasn’t going to break my heart today as she was the one who suggested lunch and I thought, why would she want something to eat if she was going to drop a bombshell.
So she said she needs more time to think about things.
I suppose even though I’m still in limbo, it’s better than being on the scrapheap, although the waiting doesn’t make it any easier.
I told her how much she means to me.
We left it there.
I’m not going to call or text her again.
Now it’s a waiting game.
I have to get on with things now.
I hope she comes back to me.
I could have kissed her all afternoon.

I’ve listed my first ever things to sell on ebay.
T-shirts that I don’t need but someone else might love.
yeahhhhh