MariaLin

I have everything I need to make myself happy but I haven’t done it. I’m too set in my ways. I know that I could make myself happy but in order to do that I need to change every single thing I do every day and I wonder if I can do that since I’ve never done that before.

I’m not sure how to get myself motivated to do my school work. I used to like learning. But now I feel like I don’t have anything to work for. There’s no reward if I study hard and there’s no punishment if I don’t. I’m content with C’s but that’s not who I want to be. I want to be smart. People think I’m smart but I don’t believe that I am. I could be, but I’m not smart yet.

I’ve written in journals before but I have never gotten so deep into myself then I have in the past few days. It’s like my mind was just waiting for me to put a pen in my hand so it could tell me the most important things that I need to know about me and what I need to do to make my life better. I’m just so happy I started writing again. I needed it.