melissa

You know, I always thought that when I was in a really good relationship, I’d have no problem at all being all sweet and whatnot. I guess I thought feeling settled and happy with my relationship status would magically open that block in my mind that never let that kind of stuff come out of my mouth.

What I hadn’t taken into consideration is that I am not a girly girl. I play video games. I read comic books. I love zombies and horror movies and beer. I break my fingernails at work constantly and it’s no big deal, but last week, when my xBox died, I almost had a complete meltdown. I don’t like shopping or make-up and I have never owned anything with words like “sassy” or “sweet” emblazoned across my ass.

I’ve been dating the dude for seven months now, and I’m really freakin’ happy. He’s so good to me and he does (and says) the sweetest, most romantic things to me just out of the blue. It’s exactly what I always wanted, and at first I thought that after I felt settled in the relationship, being verbally affectionate wouldn’t be a problem. It never really flowed out of my mouth, so for a while, I forced it. And it just felt weird. I’m not the type of chick who says incredibly sweet things. I’m just not. No matter how much I love him, I just can’t say it. Well, that’s not true. I don’t have a problem with saying “I love you.” The problem is I can’t say all the other sweet nothings, and for a while, I felt really crappy about that. I felt like I was cheating him out of something that he needed.

Last week, I had a really bad day at work, and in the midst of venting, all this other stuff I’d been inwardly freaking out about just came out. I told him that even though I may feel all that stuff and think all that stuff, it just doesn’t feel right coming out of my mouth, and it even makes me feel weird hearing it because sweet nothings are just not my thing. I thought I might be ruining our relationship by telling him all that, but when I finished verbally vomiting my insecurities on him, he said, “You mean you don’t need all that? ‘Cause I thought you did, and that’s why I’ve been doing it.” And then he punched me on the shoulder and gave me his last fried pickle. Now that’s my idea of romance.

Tuesday, October 9

1. It’s cool enough in the mornings that I actually need to wear a hoodie. Aaaahhh… It’s so nice.

2. The dude got a new job today. It kind of sucks that we won’t be working together anymore, but it’s a definite step up for him and he was so very excited. That made me happy all day long.

3. The play-by-play of Resident Evil 6 I’m getting from a work buddy. Every day I go in and he’s like, “Dude…seriously…let me tell you” and then I get all the action from the previous night.

Sunday, July 15

1. Getting to sleep until I felt like getting out of bed. That never gets old.

2. My cat slept in my lap for almost three hours while I read.

3. Dinner out with my family.