Mellany

A few days ago he called me. I had just begun to actually come to terms without him being in my life and without him being in my future. I’ve cried so much in the last 4 weeks, and I really didn’t think it was possible to hurt so much or cry so continually. He told me he wanted us back. When he actually said it I remember thinking that I must of misheard him. He didn’t lead up to it in anyway, he just said, “I miss you, d’you wanna get back together?” When he repeated what he’d said I was just amazed. I’d obviously given this man too much power over me. I explained to him what the last few weeks have been like for me. To go from how close we were to being so cruely rejected in the way I was was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced, and I don’t want to allow someone access so that they potentially have the power to do that to me again. He, for the first time in nearly a month, listened to me. He told me he was sorry and that he felt he’d had a mini breakdown.

So…I’m back with my boyfriend. The man I’ve been in love with for four years. I didn’t achieve one of my 43 things, but it was asking the impossible anyway. I love him. I’m in love with him. This log writing has been very theraputic for me and I’d like to thank everybody that has helped, advised and supported me during my trauma. Honestly, in my dark moments your words have given me amazing encouragment.

Thank you ..

I’m still here, missing him, wanting him.

Its doesn’t matter to me who wants to date me, I want him, I need him. I spoke to him today and I gave him am escape; I asked him to swear that he doesn’t wanna ever be with me, he couldn’t.

He was mad I was doing my own thing, I maintained I was, though. I told him he was the one ‘doing this’. I asked him if he was still in love with me (I know, pathetic) and he said he didn’t know. I heard the love in his voice, if that makes any sense. He asked me to call him in half an hour, andI will.

The sad thing is, he has all of me. I can’t get over him while he’s my baby..the one I would do anything for. Our song’s playing right now: The Calling, Wherever you Will Go.

Memo to self: please remember what he’s put you through.

Now I look sad and desperate..

Memo to me: when something seems as though it’s not a good idea, it usually isn’t.